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What you are looking for really depends on what direction you ultimately decide to go. Some free forum software like phpBB (one of my personal favorites) would likely handle anything that you want to do, but might be overkill. It does beat paying for custom work though if you have some basic coding skills yourself.
If you end up deciding to go the custom route, or just want an idea of what it will cost you, check out sites like rent a coder - since what you are looking to do isn't necessarily adult specific, you may be able to get better rates by tapping mainstream developers.
To me, the worst part about building a forum or any type of user-driven site is the initial period when you have zero (or very few users). You kind of need to reach a critical mass to get out of that no content, lame experience phase.
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