I believe the proper title for the Royal Asswipe is "Groom of the Stool":
Quote:
The Groom of the Stool is a servant who, among other duties, has the honourable task of cleaning a Monarch's anus after a bowl movement.
The royal families of England have had stool groomers since the days of Henry VIII and over the years the position has been adopted by various other royal families.
The position is a highly prized one and is usually only available to lords, bishops and "the most beautiful of children".
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ADG