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Wow. I am amazed at such a nice response to my post.
If it were not for the fact that I can still afford to live in nice places, stay active and have some very special friends, meditate and hike at least 5 miles every day (Have done so for more than 10 years) I don't know how I would cope.
My mother had a 14 year cancer battle, the end was terrible. As a trained hospice volunteer I thought I knew what to expect. It was worse.
My daughter was the light of my life and the most amazing fun person you could imagine. When she was still in school she was working as a vets surgical assistant and had another job training seeing eye dogs 4 days a week.
She had a rare disorder which turned her from an active person to wheelchair bound in less than a year and then the pain management drugs created a downward spiral including severe mental issues with multiple times being institutionalized (not for drug abuse).
Psycho meds would work for a few months and then would make her worse until they were changed. 2 days after her last change he has seizure in her sleep and died. As strong and as driven as she was she just reached a point of giving up and making life hell on everyone around her and herself. Died at 30.
While these this was hard, after my mothers death, my father was diagnosed with cancer. He had his kidney removed, daughter died and then he needed another operation months later for cancer in his throat. What is worse is my fathers ongoing dementia and horrible behavior (he was always very abusive) is extremely hard to handle as well as me constantly worrying about how I will handle him in the future.
As hard as this all was I love what I do as well as my volunteer work. Withing the past 3 years my time allotted to work has been shot to shit. I went from being a 7 day a week worker and volunteer to maybe being able to work what I feel is a 1/3rd of a year with so many trips back and forth to my father helping him and handling his affairs and dealing with major burn out now.
The constant back and forth, lack of any real time for myself and my emotional availability is making it impossible to find another women lately.
Thank God I don't drink or drug or I would be dead.
I am so thankful that money is not an issue now, but at the rate I am going if this continues like this for a few more years, I may have issues there as well as being in my mid 50's I have to think about retirement.
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