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ilnjscb · 05-02-2016, 06:30 PM

"Ted Cruz is about to stay in the race. Man. Everybody hates Ted Cruz. Even O.J. Simpson said, ?That guy?s just hard to like.?

This is true, this is true: You know, there?s a joke going around the Internet that Ted Cruz is actually the Zodiac Killer. Right? I?m not making that up. Come on, that?s absurd ? some people actually liked the Zodiac Killer.

Recently, Ted Cruz got a string of wins and endorsements, and then everybody remembered who Ted Cruz is: the Zodiac Killer.

Ted Cruz got zero delegates in New York, which is actually five more than I thought he would get for the Zodiac Killer.

John Boehner came out of retirement and described Ted Cruz as ?Lucifer in the flesh.? Lucifer! I mean, that is not fair, man. Lucifer is horrible, but he?s not the Zodiac Killer.

Recently, Heidi Cruz revealed that after they got married, Ted bought them like 100 cans of soup. Not making yourself look less like the Zodiac Killer, Ted Cruz. Not doing it.

I don?t even think Ted Cruz wants to be president. I think he?s just crisscrossing the country, Zodiac-killing. That?s my theory on it.

All right, that?s enough.

Ted Cruz actually announced Carly Fiorina as his VP pick, and he?s not even the nominee yet. You?ve seen this, right? Who does that? Except the Zodiac Killer.

No, but see here, think how strange it is, you guys, think how strange it is: Ted Cruz picked a vice president. That doesn?t make sense, because serial killers always work alone. And I don?t know if you?ve thought about this, but if Carly Fiorina were vice president, she would only be a heartbeat away from being Zodiac-killed. It?s very important information, people should know."

05-02-2016, 06:30 PM
ilnjscb So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 8,695	Larry Wilmore's riff on Cruz "Ted Cruz is about to stay in the race. Man. Everybody hates Ted Cruz. Even O.J. Simpson said, ?That guy?s just hard to like.? This is true, this is true: You know, there?s a joke going around the Internet that Ted Cruz is actually the Zodiac Killer. Right? I?m not making that up. Come on, that?s absurd ? some people actually liked the Zodiac Killer. Recently, Ted Cruz got a string of wins and endorsements, and then everybody remembered who Ted Cruz is: the Zodiac Killer. Ted Cruz got zero delegates in New York, which is actually five more than I thought he would get for the Zodiac Killer. John Boehner came out of retirement and described Ted Cruz as ?Lucifer in the flesh.? Lucifer! I mean, that is not fair, man. Lucifer is horrible, but he?s not the Zodiac Killer. Recently, Heidi Cruz revealed that after they got married, Ted bought them like 100 cans of soup. Not making yourself look less like the Zodiac Killer, Ted Cruz. Not doing it. I don?t even think Ted Cruz wants to be president. I think he?s just crisscrossing the country, Zodiac-killing. That?s my theory on it. All right, that?s enough. Ted Cruz actually announced Carly Fiorina as his VP pick, and he?s not even the nominee yet. You?ve seen this, right? Who does that? Except the Zodiac Killer. No, but see here, think how strange it is, you guys, think how strange it is: Ted Cruz picked a vice president. That doesn?t make sense, because serial killers always work alone. And I don?t know if you?ve thought about this, but if Carly Fiorina were vice president, she would only be a heartbeat away from being Zodiac-killed. It?s very important information, people should know."