Server daemons are a lot faster than ALL interpreter languages -- good luck
What are the user-agents that are not accepting the redirects.
It is also possible that ad blockers may be a factor.
What percentage of browsers are a problem -- and do they matter?
If its 5% -- and obsolete --fuck em some people still tweak CSS3 for IE7
You post log entries that are incomplete and useless
How the fuck can I tell -- there are no user agents?
The only problem we have had with HTTPS/TLS is with the googlebot and ITS indexing -- Google is so full of shit.
Did you first try in .htaccess <= the fastest way or not?