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Drugs ???????
People always want to know about religious and philosophical beliefs. But few people ever ask about my everyday ethics?the rules to use when dealing with day-to-day society. Here are a few of them. Feel free to cut them out and post them on the door of your mother?s refrigerator for easy reference.
Drugs
There is a stereotype among people who have never gotten high than anyone has ever done drugs, no matter what that drug is, is an addict. The thruth is that addiction has little to do with what drugs you use or how often you use them. There are other factors, like the extent to which you let them run your life and your ability to function normally without them. I make no secret of my drug use. But at the same time I have nothing but utter contempt for anyone who is addicted to drugs. It is the people who abuse drugs that make the people who use them look bad. Here are a few simple rules to help you determinate whether you are a user or an abuser of cocaine, pot and other substances. Consider yourself an addict if?
?you actually pay for drugs.
?you use a straw as opposed to a rolled-up dollar bill.
?you use the word blow.
?you?re a guy and you?re backstage at a Marilyn Manson concert (unless you?re a dealer or a police officer).
?you own more than one Pink Floyd record.
?you do cocaine during a show. (If you do it after a show, you?re okay. If it?s before, you?re teetering on the brink.)
?the mere mention of cocaine makes you pass gas or the sight of it makes you want to take a shit.
?you?ve written more than two songs that refer to drugs.
?you get kicked out of a band for being a drug addict.
?you?re friends with a model.
?you live in New Orleans.
?you pay for your groceries with rolled-up dollar bills.
?you?ve ever been in Dr. Hook or known the lyrics to a Dr. Hook song.
?the embossed numbers, particularly the o?s, 6?s and 9?s, on your corporate credit card are filled in with mysterious white powder.
?you?re alone in your hotel room on tour and you do drugs.
?you do drugs before 6 PM or after 6 AM.
?you hate everybody. (If you like everybody, you?re on Ecstasy and I?m against you.)
?you know the name for the fleshy crevice between your thumb and index finger.
?you?ve ever said, ?This is my last line? or, conversely, ?Which line is the biggest??
?you invite people to stay at your home while you?re on drugs.
?you tell anybody about your childhood while you?re on drugs.
?you?re not thinking about tits right now.
?you say, ?I only do this when I?m with you.?
?you have your bodyguard watch the door when you go to the bathroom.
?you?re a guy and you talk to a girl who has a boyfriend for more than five minutes because she has drugs.
?you? a child actor.
?If you make this book into a game and do a line every time drugs are mentioned, then not only are you an addict but you may be dead.
Rules I?ve broken: 1, 4 (but that doesn?t count), 5, 6 (and I came back on stage with the dollar bill hanging from my nose), 7, 8 (I?ve written dozens), 12, 13, 14 (unless I?ve cleaned it out because I?m crossing a border), 15, 16, 17, 19, 20, 21 (but only for this book), 24, 25
Tell me the origin of this and you get 1 free scene : )
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