Need advice about daughters

[SteveLightspeed]

For the women:

What are your best memories of your father, that made you feel special?

I'm being serious, I'm not looking for crude jokes here (guys!).

I have a 7-year-old daughter that just told me in no uncertain terms that she needs my attention too. I just find it a little difficult to relate to her, she's all girl. But I'm down with trying, so I'm looking for some advice from women who had great dads. I want to be one too.

Steve Lightspeed

[xNetworx]

One word... PONY

[Belinda]

Steve,

I don't have any kids yet, I am only 23 but what I do know is that my dad never did a single thing with us kids. He was too busy with his girlfriends and drugs to pay any attention to us. He was in and out of prison and jail all the time so we hardly even got to know him. I was fortunate enough to have a great step dad but that will never replace the feeling of YOUR OWN FATHER not wanting anything to do with you. To this day I have no relationship what so ever with my real father. All I can tell you is don't let that happen with your daughter. Take her out for ice cream every once in a while, just the two of you. Tell her you love her everyday, and always remind her that she is the most important thing in your life. Plus she is female, just tell her that she is beautiful, even at 7 that will make her feel happy inside. Hope this helps some.

[sonofsam]

Originally Posted by pimpporn

One word... PONY

</simpsons>

<real-life>

[Ray Nagin]

pony's are bad

you will have a SPOILED BRAT

try to think like she thinks and you are on your way

it doenst matter that you REALLY understand how she thinks , the fact that she REALISES that you are TRYING to understand how she thinks is more than enough , and will make her think you really love her and want to get to know her for what she really is

;)

[Odie]

Great question Steve!

My dad is my hero. he is the man I look up to the most in my life. He wasn't around much when I was growing up b/c he was so busy working to build a life for his family that I rarely got to spend time w/ him.

With that said, every night he came home from work, he told me a bed time story about my life in Thailand and his life growing up as a kid and what it was like living where we came from. I learned through those stories to appreciate the things he was doing for me. Every moment that he had to be with me, my dad made sure that he spent it with me, whether it was travelling, fishing, or just taking a walk.

You don't have to tyr hard w/ kids Steve. Little girls lovetheir daddy's and the smallest things will mean the world to her and she'll love you and remember them for the rest of her life. You're lucky that at age 7 she is vocal enough to tell you that. I never told my dad but he knew what he had to do as a father.

It's amazing what a trip to the mall will teach you about your daughter or a hike in the woods.

Good luck I'm sure you'll do just fine

[TheDoc]

I'm not a girl but how about a sit down dinner, every day, as a family.. I always kinda thought that it helps build a bond with the family, a nice time to see how everyones day went, talk as a family..

[Plugin Feeds K]

I had the best relationship with my dad and still do ... we get along like no other.

And I'm not being an ass here Steve, instead of coming to GFY, why not ask your daughter how she'd like to spend more time with you?

Ask her to come up with a list of father-daughter stuff that she would find fun and that only you two can do ...

Who takes the kids to school, I think Shannon does. Eat breakfast with them (not your stats) ; ) ... there is no quick fix, it takes time.

[SCOOTER]

You?re a smart man ..I?m sure you will figure it out.. But be your self ..

Good luck Steve.

[3M TA3]

i'm not a girl but every day when my dad got home he would take us water skiing (could have been anything). He was never an emotional person or a vocal person. But he knew it would stick with us forever. I started growing apart from my father when we moved away from the lake and lost that ritual.

[SteveLightspeed]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

[cool1]

Originally Posted by Plugin Feeds K

I'm not being an ass here Steve, instead of coming to GFY, why not ask your daughter how she'd like to spend more time with you?

Ask her to come up with a list of father-daughter stuff that she would find fun and that only you two can do ...

there is no quick fix, it takes time.

This is very sounds advice
Something every Father should follow, whether you have a daughter or a son or both.

[basschick]

i wasn't "all girl" as you put it, but then if you're not spending much time with your daughter, she's naturally going to bond with her mother. it's all about spending time, not sharing few really great times.

my favorite memories are being taken to the pony rides, then a special resturant that i could choose. if i was lucky, my dad would let me go several times, on the fast ponies. i also liked it when my dad made my sister and i french toast every sunday morning - not only did we like spending time together, and we certainly liked french toast, but it also showed a consideration for our mother that we held in our hearts.

unfortunately the rest of my childhood memories aren't even that girly - although some were great. my dad taught me how to make a circuit so a little light lit up, and also taught me how to hook up a slot car motor to a batter using lots of wires. he also taught me rudiments on the piano, which he played. and he played piano TO us, so we could sing, which was a blast.

we planted seeds together, then took care of the seedlings when they sprouted. and when i discovered that i really liked grasshoppers, my dad built me a HUGE cage so i could keep a few and watch them while they hopped from plant to plant.

and when i came home with one of the chickens we hatched in class, not only did he build something for me to keep it in, but he took me to feed stores so i could learn about taking care of the chicken. and this is in the middle of los angeles, where NO one has a chicken. i thought this was pretty neat!

my parents took turns reading to us - books of our choice when we were old enough. it was more my mom, but my dad would go miles away to find new and wonderful books - no best seller list books for us. every single night till i was 13, my sister and i heard at least one chapter. it's why i love to read now.

imo the best thing you can do is spend time with your daughter - time you spend listening to what interests her. most parents don't listen, but i was very lucky in my early years - i had two parents who didn't try to fit me into a mold, but always involved themselves in my interests.

[3M TA3]

well put bass

[RogerV]

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

For the women:

What are your best memories of your father, that made you feel special?

I'm being serious, I'm not looking for crude jokes here (guys!).

I have a 7-year-old daughter that just told me in no uncertain terms that she needs my attention too. I just find it a little difficult to relate to her, she's all girl. But I'm down with trying, so I'm looking for some advice from women who had great dads. I want to be one too.

Steve Lightspeed

I fly to Texas every single month to see my daughter for 2 days thats what they gave me. soon she will be able to fly out here.

I have been doing it since the day she was born. its our time to bond and she gets my full attention.

Pick a weekend once a month to hang out with her. trust me its worth it even if you see her all the time you have to spend time with her

I do the same with my girlfriend. then I can do whatever I want all the other days. its about quality time

[Shoehorn!]

Originally Posted by pimpporn

One word... PONY

[simple simon]

DO NOT FUCK UP your relationships with your kids. Regardless if you hate or dislike what she wants to do, or if it bores you out of your mind, suck it up and be thankful for every damn second you have together with your kids

[RogerV]

Learn to Balance your life and you will enjoy it alot more.

I do it all and have fun but it took me a while to learn how to balance it and not work all the time

[basschick]

but why can't a person learn what is interesting about what their kids do instead of being bored? when my son was in his earliest teens, all parents hated video games, where all kids loved them. i became the ONLY parent who not only was interested, but i learned to play them. once i understood them, i wasn't bored.

kids are observant. they know if you're bored or hate what they like. they won't say anything, but they will feel that their choices are hateful or boring.

my son chose half the movies we went to together, and half the resturants. and i learned what made him interested in what he liked. now he's older than half the people on this board, but my son, my fiance and i get together every week to watch a movie or fly kites or hang out

Originally Posted by simple simon

DO NOT FUCK UP your relationships with your kids. Regardless if you hate or dislike what she wants to do, or if it bores you out of your mind, suck it up and be thankful for every damn second you have together with your kids

[simple simon]

Originally Posted by basschick

but why can't a person learn what is interesting about what their kids do instead of being bored? when my son was in his earliest teens, all parents hated video games, where all kids loved them. i became the ONLY parent who not only was interested, but i learned to play them. once i understood them, i wasn't bored.

kids are observant. they know if you're bored or hate what they like. they won't say anything, but they will feel that their choices are hateful or boring.

my son chose half the movies we went to together, and half the resturants. and i learned what made him interested in what he liked. now he's older than half the people on this board, but my son, my fiance and i get together every week to watch a movie or fly kites or hang out

Oh absolutely, from the tone of his post he says he cant relate and Im sure some of that will lead to boredom in relating to children activities that get very repetitive and so forth. The bottom line for me is, adapt and spend as much time with your kids as humanly possible. Those kids are special, to me anyway

[Holly]

My parents have been together since they were 14, so I was lucky to grow up with my dad around full time. Plus, I was an only child and grandchild, so I had 3 sets of people who thought the sun rose and set upon my head, lol.

Some of the things my dad did:

Always came to ALL my school stuff- awards ceremonies, open house junk, plays, musicals, graduations, etc. I cheered my whole life and he always made it to my ballgames, even though up until jr high & high school, all my pee-wee games were on Saturdays and most of them were during the college games, which he loved (he sat in the stands with a radio headset on, but never missed one). He even went to all the out-of-town games, even though I had to ride the bus with the other girls and players.

Lots of Saturdays, just the two of us would get up and go have pancakes at this breakfast place in town.

He taught me to ride a bike, swim, and water ski, all of which I vividly remember.

He played Frogger, Pac Man, Pitfall, Qbert, and Donkey Kong with me for hours and hours at a time.

He always helped me with my homework, especially when I had to memorize things.

He took me fishing and taught me how to cast a spinner reel.

He made it home every night in time to sit down and eat dinner with me.

He took me on vacations every summer.

He taught me to drive and took me to get my license.

He didn't yell at me when I totaled my new car, lol.

He paid for all my college undergrad expenses and insisted that I not work so that I could study and enjoy school.

There were lots of other material things and I never really wanted for anything, but that doesn't mean a whole lot if the other stuff isn't there.

Probably the biggest thing was that I always knew I could call him if I was in trouble. It didn't matter what; drugs, pregnant, problems with the law... anything. Even now, I know he would drop everything and come for me, no matter where he was or what he was doing, without criticizing, lecturing, or giving me a hard time.

[Raven]

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

For the women:

What are your best memories of your father, that made you feel special?

I'm being serious, I'm not looking for crude jokes here (guys!).

I have a 7-year-old daughter that just told me in no uncertain terms that she needs my attention too. I just find it a little difficult to relate to her, she's all girl. But I'm down with trying, so I'm looking for some advice from women who had great dads. I want to be one too.

Steve Lightspeed

Steve. My father was not the nicest man, nor was he the best father; but....there are a few memories that impacted me.

He'd take me out to breakfast. That hour was sheer quality time.

[TheJimmy]

I'm not a girl either, but I slept at a Residence Inn last night...


ok ok ok, but for real... I asked my better half and she told me that merely spending time was the best, even if it was building things in the garage with her old man, working on the car, fixing stuff, whatever...just to be included in his stuff or to do stuff in general 'together'...also an occasional special night out (dinner or lunch) with just the Dad or just the Mom is pretty cool for kids in general...

Also I totally agree with TheDoc, when dinner & prior to crash time comes I reserve that for family time, I rarely let that hour or three get overrun by work...I have the other 20 hours of the day for me and the job, giving up that few hours for family at night pays off in soooo many ways...



PS: You're already on the right road by even asking the question

[Shortbread]

When I was younger I was really into softball, my dad was my coach and would be my backcatcher all the time. That was the only way we could relate. Maybe there is a sport you could relate to her on? Take her to practice? See if you can become an assistant coach? Take her team out for ice cream or donuts or something?

[Thomas1007]

I have 3 daughters ages 11, 12 and 13.
My best advice as a father is to take time to listen to them
spend quality time even though you may be busy.
We as a family have movie nights, we play cards etc.
anything to spend quality time together.
Nothing can replace the time you spend with your child.
Best of Luck, 7 year olds are a handful.

[Kassidy]

All kids only want one TRUE thing from their parents...their time and attention.

[dirtydesignz]

My dad was a homicide detective and had a horrible job, but when he walked through our front door after work, he left the job outside and just played with us kids. For at least 30 minutes we would just rough house and tickle and have fun before dinner.

He was the one who took care of me when I was sick even though my Mom was the nurse. He was the one who would read to me at bedtime, if he was home...if not, he would always make up for it the next day by reading extra.. We would go camping every summer and he would make it a point to fish with only me sometimes, the only daughter, so I would feel special.

He always included us kids, he never treated us like we were bothering him, even though at times we just HAD to be driving him nuts!

Wow, I'm glad you started this thread...I'm gonna call my Daddy first thing in the morning and tell him how much I love him

[strats]

Fuckingnoob. You come to GFY for parenting advice? Shut the fuck up.

If you need advice, you shouldn't be spewing out fetuses you maggot.

[strats]

*In cynical c-nt voice: "a pony" ..

.. Yeah, a fuckingpony for little sally to ride because all girls are happy little delicate flowery thingies!

[SteveLightspeed]

Originally Posted by strats

Fuckingnoob. You come to GFY for parenting advice? Shut the fuck up.

If you need advice, you shouldn't be spewing out fetuses you maggot.

Wow, you didn't get held as a child or what?

[aztecvision]

Spend quality time with them and listen to what she has to say while you still have a chance. Once she realizes that you're not listening or don't care, she will stop talking.

15 minutes of quality time a day go a very long way. Read her a bed time story, help her with her homework or simply ask her about her day.

Take her out for a few hours on the weekends and do whatever she wants to do. Wether it's going to the park, ice skating, hiking, rollerblading, theater, etc.. It really doesn't matter what you do as long as you 2 are alone and she gets 100% of your attention. Belive it or not you'll enjoy it as much as she does.

[dirtydesignz]

Originally Posted by strats

Fuckingnoob. You come to GFY for parenting advice? Shut the fuck up.

If you need advice, you shouldn't be spewing out fetuses you maggot.

Yep, he's the newb....idiot

[reviewcash]

Fathers just keep giving no matter what. My sister is 40 and she is always seeking assistance from my father in so many different areas.

[JFK]

Originally Posted by pimpporn

One word... PONY

You can NOT buy affection, nor should you, it does not replace love

[rogerbo]

Steve, take her serious, spend time with her and listen to what she says (even if you'r not interested) show her that she is special without spoiling her. She's a Kid who needs still guiding ( my daughter is the same Age LOL ) so if she does a good job in scool or at home give a reward if she spoils it punishement but NO FORCE jus no TV or NO Xbox or what ever she likes. You as the Father must be the Person which is Hard but Fair when it comes to desition. But also play with Her show her that you Love her.

[J$tyle$]

I'm in a similar position and it was tough this summer with my 7 yr old home from school. We tried to make sure there were a ton of activities and day trips for her to keep her busy and having fun - but she was home alot too!

When I'm not out at meetings, I'm working mostly from home, and it's difficult for children to fully grasp that you're "working" when you're walking through the house on the phone, pacing and talking in the back yard, or in the kitchen grabbing a drink and smiling at mommy. There's a contstant barrage of "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" PLUS it's even more difficult when you have a one year old toddling around - and if you give HIM attention YOUR DAMN WELL SURE YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER ATTENTION TOO!

Almost every day I've tried to take time to hang out for a few minutes here and there just to LISTEN to whatever she wants to tell me OR jump in the pool with her OR just play in the playroom or chill upstairs in her room.

ALL THE KID WANTS ... IS ATTENTION!

The one thing I figured out (with the help of my wife of course) was that when it's daddy and daughter time you need to completely make it about her. I don't mean spoil her with material things and "buy" your attention. I mean whatever you guys are doing together just try to have fun.

It's NOT easy ... life and business DOES get in the way sometimes BUT you just need to find time.

Draw, paint, take her to a park for a picnic, take her to the store on errands to pick up milk, do a "Costco run", go to a car wash, go to a mall, grab a snack together, go for a DRIVE and let her tell YOU when to make turns and "get lost", play eye spy, sing a damn song, dance with her to loud music, take her to an aquarium, anything you regularly do by yourself that it would be OK for her to accompany you - BRING HER ... and finally ...ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO AND MAKE A DATE!

Just take time EVERY WEEK and make sure to do something ... just you and her!

Every sunday my daughter and I go out for lunch (which is breakfast for me of course) and go to the car wash and just drive around listening to HER music and talk and laugh.

It's not all roses and sunshine - BUT - it's love and attention and a sincere attempt on your part to be INVOLVED with your daughter ... and she'll see and appreciate that.



Good luck!

[jimthefiend]

Shouldnt be any problems relating to her. Mine is 6 and shes happy if i listen to her, and give plenty of piggy back rides.

Treat her like the little person she is (not a baby) and life will be swell.

Oh yeah and buy LOTS of barbies.

[Pete-KT]

Originally Posted by strats

Fuckingnoob. You come to GFY for parenting advice? Shut the fuck up.

If you need advice, you shouldn't be spewing out fetuses you maggot.

Wow, I think we have a surfer n our hands here

[sweethotkayla]

I have a lot of bad memories with my dad he was a real angry man, Im only 19 now so there is still time for better things.
I remember him getting me up in the night and making me a cup of tea and biscuts and then we would watching fat pizza togther or live at the chapple. Its the little things that count. Even him asking me to go to the city with him whilst his had to get some music stuff (he is a muso), always put a smile on my face.

[J$tyle$]

After rereading my post - I have to make something very clear:

I'm in no way "father of the year"!

I make a lot of mistakes ... ALOT! We have miscommunications that leave me dumbfounded. There are times she doesn't listen. SHE'S a 7 yr old! A little girl is like a different species and once you figure ONE THING out - there's something else that comes up that you have to "work on".

I have a lot to learn and will never fully know "the right thing to do" all the time - however, I will keep trying because I want to be a great father too someday!

[Empress_JoinRightNow]

Originally Posted by Lightspeed

For the women:

What are your best memories of your father, that made you feel special?

My father whipped all my playmates who used to bully me when I was a kid. He's the greatest father.

[webcrawler]

Always have time for her and listen to what she has to say. She may see you as a very good provider but doesn't have the time to sit down and talk.

[kenny]

You better figure it out..

Its not going to get easier. In nine more years when she is 16 its going to make this thread look like a joke.


You will look back on this thread and say 'damn I thought it was difficult then"

[kenny]

I'm not saying that I know the answer or anything.. I just know that after a certain time period it becomes more difficult if not impossible

[Peaches]

Lots of hugs, always tell her you love her, maybe a dinner alone every couple of weeks, take her to events she likes (even if it's the ballet ;) ). My Dad always spent a lot of time with me and we were very close - still are. It seems most of the emotionally starved, screwed up females in this world had bad relationships (or no relationships) with their fathers. This is great you want to build a good relationship with her

[Funbrunette]

Originally Posted by Peaches

Lots of hugs, always tell her you love her, maybe a dinner alone every couple of weeks, take her to events she likes (even if it's the ballet ;) ). My Dad always spent a lot of time with me and we were very close - still are. It seems most of the emotionally starved, screwed up females in this world had bad relationships (or no relationships) with their fathers. This is great you want to build a good relationship with her

Amen!!!! Very well said Peaches!!!!

[BellaSeaira]

I think the best thing about my father was that we always had an open relationship. He was always open and honest with me and I knew that I could always count on him to be there for me. It made life easyer as I got older I would hide shit from my mom but was always honest with my dad cause he was honest with me. We would o stuff together like fishing ,shopping, canoeing, what ever... I would pick what we did one weekend he would pick the next. I didn't always like the things he picked but I wouldnt of changed it I was happy to spend time with him. He never talked down to me he always treated me like I was equal to him.

Bella-Seaira

[tranza]

try to spend more time with her, it's all about it, make she laughs

[Phoenix]

if you and her started doing stuff together each sunday or something...i bet she'd be happy to watch you shovel shit...take her to some sports games...or go shopping or go on adventure walks. mayeb she is into something, you could suddenly find an interest in it as well.

im sure you dont really need advice...the fact that you are reaching out here for suggestions tells me you are thinking about this very hard....i think you will find your own solution and things will be peachy keen..not many fathers would have the presence to even worry about it

[Tam]

Originally Posted by RogerV

I fly to Texas every single month to see my daughter for 2 days thats what they gave me. soon she will be able to fly out here.

I have been doing it since the day she was born. its our time to bond and she gets my full attention.

Pick a weekend once a month to hang out with her. trust me its worth it even if you see her all the time you have to spend time with her

I do the same with my girlfriend. then I can do whatever I want all the other days. its about quality time

This is some of the BEST advice I have ever seen from a Dad. Seriously, I have 2 girls, ages 21 and 7 and they love the time their dad takes with them. Of couse we both work from home so my kids have always gotten a lot of our time. We gave up working outside the house MANY years ago so that we could raise our kids ourselves.

I have NO good memories of my dad at all, and I am not going into gory details, but I know my oldest daughter and I have talked alot, she bonded with her dad on a level that is rare, and it ALL had to do with taking the time. Girls are very strange little creatures, they don't necessarily want their dads to go shopping with them or anything like that, that's for their friends and mom, but they seem to just want to know their dad cares enough to take the time..... doesn't matter what they do, they just want to know they have their full attention.

NICE post, Roger, so many Dads could take lessons from you.