Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb - LOLLLL - GoFuckYourself.com

OY · 08-26-2009, 09:55 AM

BAGHDAD?Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber Ahmed al-Khalaf, 19, who was killed by a car bomb Monday, 200 yards from an Iraqi police station, his intended target.

Sources within the insurgency said al-Khalaf was "on his way to becoming a glorious martyr" when he was struck down by the car-bomb explosion. Twenty-three other civilians were also killed.

"What kind of God allows the death of people who are on their way to kill innocent people?" insurgent leader Abdulwahid al-Tomizie said. "On the one hand, I am elated that the car-bomb explosion was successful, but the loss of the suicide bomber is a tragedy, as is the survival of all the innocent people he might have killed."

According to al-Tomizie, al-Khalaf could have killed as many as 40 innocent people, had his life not been cut short.

"It is tragic that al-Khalaf died seven minutes sooner than he intended," said Hassan Abdul Aziz, leader of a local cabal of Sunni separatists. "To think that he was just yards from his intended target. Our thoughts and prayers are with his terrorist cell."

No insurgent groups have claimed responsibility for the car bomb, although as many as 18 separate insurgency factions have vowed to carry on the fight in al-Khalaf's memory.

In the past week, over 170 Iraqi citizens and U.S. troops have died in terrorist or insurgent attacks, but al-Khalaf's death marks the first time a terrorist has been killed by another terrorist while on a different terrorist mission.

Terrorist leaders have called the incident a "wake-up call."

"No one likes to see a senseless waste of a willingness to take human life," said al-Qaeda operative Salih al-Shimiri, in a videotaped message aired on Al-Jazeera Monday evening. "However, there are worse problems than having too many suicide bombers on our streets."

Insurgent leaders met Monday to draft new rules to prevent bombing mix-ups like the one that killed al-Khalaf. One proposal would limit suicide bombings to odd hours, car bombings to even. Another designates "Car Bomb Only" traffic lanes to help terrorists get to their bombing locations more quickly and efficiently.

"I had a man last week get stuck in traffic while driving a car bomb to the Mendi Temple," al-Shimiri said. "When he arrived, he found it already on fire. We don't fill the cars up with enough gas to make two-way trips, so he was forced to blow up a nearby disco. This is madness."

Al-Shimiri added: "We all have the same goal here?the killing of innocent civilians. Let's stop working at cross purposes."

Iraqi cleric Moqtada al-Sadr believes all insurgents must find direction in their extreme fundamentalist faith. "When I close my eyes, all I can see are the faces of all the innocents al-Khalaf will never get a chance to kill. It is a sad day, but we must not let it shake our faith in the wrath of Allah."

Got to love THE ONION!

C H R I S · 08-26-2009, 10:36 AM

Fuck me sideways..

RayBonga · 08-26-2009, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Twenty-three other civilians were also killed.

No that funny

Don Pueblo · 08-26-2009, 10:39 AM

fuck em, let em all kill each other.

eZe · 08-26-2009, 10:44 AM

LMAO play with fire get burned.

Tube Ace · 08-26-2009, 10:50 AM

The onion

Machete_ · 08-26-2009, 10:55 AM

It's The Onion you idiots!!! - Its political satire (that arent funny btw)

Even if it was a real news site, you should know it was fake right from the start when they say:
"Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber"

CaptainHowdy · 08-26-2009, 11:14 AM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha...

seeandsee · 08-26-2009, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AVNChris

Fuck me sideways..

baddog · 08-26-2009, 11:22 AM

Some of you blow my mind.

porndotnet · 08-26-2009, 11:33 AM

hahah. good one.

Rochard · 08-26-2009, 11:57 AM

LOL. Let them all kill each other.

jakethedog · 08-26-2009, 12:07 PM

I had tears in my eyes ....

DaddyHalbucks · 08-26-2009, 12:23 PM

My gosh that is funny!

SykkBoy · 08-26-2009, 12:50 PM

As I started reading, I thought "damn, this has to be from The Onion" and sure enough, haha

those guys are great

webair · 08-26-2009, 12:57 PM

gotta love that!

Scott McD · 08-26-2009, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SykkBoy2

As I started reading, I thought "damn, this has to be from The Onion" and sure enough, haha

those guys are great

Yup! This one got some great reactions too by the look of it...

$5 submissions · 08-26-2009, 01:06 PM

How ironic...

GatorB · 08-26-2009, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by $5 submissions

How ironic...

What's ironic the story or the fact half the people here don't get it's from the Onion

ToplistBlog_Com · 08-26-2009, 06:44 PM

The Onion is the best source for news next to the Daily Show. ;)

cykoe6 · 08-26-2009, 06:48 PM

Fucking hysterical. I love the Onion.

ilnjscb · 08-26-2009, 07:55 PM

Logistics for terrorists

VeriSexy · 08-27-2009, 12:52 AM

that site always cracks me up

John-ACWM · 08-27-2009, 03:12 AM

That should happen everyday

OY · 08-27-2009, 02:02 PM

Looove the Onion

WonderWoman · 08-27-2009, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oystein

Looove the Onion

"What kind of God allows a The Onion to go unrecognized while Jon Stewart and his Daily Show are recognized everywhere?"

This is injustice and such a waste of good satire news.

08-26-2009, 09:55 AM	#1
OY Industry Pioneer Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: USA/EU/ASIA Posts: 5,401	Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb - LOLLLL BAGHDAD?Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber Ahmed al-Khalaf, 19, who was killed by a car bomb Monday, 200 yards from an Iraqi police station, his intended target. Sources within the insurgency said al-Khalaf was "on his way to becoming a glorious martyr" when he was struck down by the car-bomb explosion. Twenty-three other civilians were also killed. "What kind of God allows the death of people who are on their way to kill innocent people?" insurgent leader Abdulwahid al-Tomizie said. "On the one hand, I am elated that the car-bomb explosion was successful, but the loss of the suicide bomber is a tragedy, as is the survival of all the innocent people he might have killed." According to al-Tomizie, al-Khalaf could have killed as many as 40 innocent people, had his life not been cut short. "It is tragic that al-Khalaf died seven minutes sooner than he intended," said Hassan Abdul Aziz, leader of a local cabal of Sunni separatists. "To think that he was just yards from his intended target. Our thoughts and prayers are with his terrorist cell." No insurgent groups have claimed responsibility for the car bomb, although as many as 18 separate insurgency factions have vowed to carry on the fight in al-Khalaf's memory. In the past week, over 170 Iraqi citizens and U.S. troops have died in terrorist or insurgent attacks, but al-Khalaf's death marks the first time a terrorist has been killed by another terrorist while on a different terrorist mission. Terrorist leaders have called the incident a "wake-up call." "No one likes to see a senseless waste of a willingness to take human life," said al-Qaeda operative Salih al-Shimiri, in a videotaped message aired on Al-Jazeera Monday evening. "However, there are worse problems than having too many suicide bombers on our streets." Insurgent leaders met Monday to draft new rules to prevent bombing mix-ups like the one that killed al-Khalaf. One proposal would limit suicide bombings to odd hours, car bombings to even. Another designates "Car Bomb Only" traffic lanes to help terrorists get to their bombing locations more quickly and efficiently. "I had a man last week get stuck in traffic while driving a car bomb to the Mendi Temple," al-Shimiri said. "When he arrived, he found it already on fire. We don't fill the cars up with enough gas to make two-way trips, so he was forced to blow up a nearby disco. This is madness." Al-Shimiri added: "We all have the same goal here?the killing of innocent civilians. Let's stop working at cross purposes." Iraqi cleric Moqtada al-Sadr believes all insurgents must find direction in their extreme fundamentalist faith. "When I close my eyes, all I can see are the faces of all the innocents al-Khalaf will never get a chance to kill. It is a sad day, but we must not let it shake our faith in the wrath of Allah." Got to love THE ONION! __________________ Around since 1997, and the company that introduced "Cascading Billing" in MPA3® Affiliate Management and Tracking Software Outsourcing With A Norwegian Twist - NordBits - Inquire within!

08-26-2009, 10:36 AM	#2
C H R I S Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Marina Del Rey Posts: 10,842	Fuck me sideways.. __________________ C H R I S Retired Porn Veteran BH4L

08-26-2009, 10:39 AM	#4
Don Pueblo Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 656	fuck em, let em all kill each other. __________________ Don Pueblo Worlds Best Latin Lover

08-26-2009, 11:57 AM	#12
Rochard Jägermeister Test Pilot Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NORCAL Posts: 73,979	LOL. Let them all kill each other. __________________ “The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL \| THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION

08-26-2009, 12:07 PM	#13
jakethedog Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Vancouver B.C. Posts: 2,497	I had tears in my eyes .... __________________ No sig .. just me

08-26-2009, 10:44 AM	#5
eZe Confirmed User Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 360	LMAO play with fire get burned.

08-26-2009, 10:50 AM	#6
Tube Ace So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: with your dream girl Posts: 4,941	The onion

08-26-2009, 10:55 AM	#7
Machete_ WINNING! Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 14,579	It's The Onion you idiots!!! - Its political satire (that arent funny btw) Even if it was a real news site, you should know it was fake right from the start when they say: "Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber"

08-26-2009, 11:14 AM	#8
CaptainHowdy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Happy in the dark. Posts: 93,567	Aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha...

08-26-2009, 11:22 AM	#10
baddog So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: the beach, SoCal Posts: 107,089	Some of you blow my mind.

08-26-2009, 11:33 AM	#11
porndotnet Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 317	hahah. good one.

08-26-2009, 12:23 PM	#14
DaddyHalbucks A freakin' legend! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada USA Posts: 18,975	My gosh that is funny! __________________ Boner Money

08-26-2009, 12:50 PM	#15
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	As I started reading, I thought "damn, this has to be from The Onion" and sure enough, haha those guys are great

08-26-2009, 12:57 PM	#16
webair Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: NYC, NY Posts: 8,531	gotta love that! __________________ ~ Webair Dedicated Cloud Servers™ ~ WEBAIR VSYS™ Virtual Hosting Platform ~ Superior CDN Network ~ ~ Managed Dedicated hosting Specialists ~ DISCOUNT DOMAIN NAMES! ~ WEBAIR FUSION IO MANAGED CLOUD SERVERS! ~ *ICQ:* 243116321 - *TWITTER* - @WEBAIRINC - E-Mail: [email protected]

08-26-2009, 01:06 PM	#18
$5 submissions I help you SUCCEED Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Pearl of the Orient Seas Posts: 32,195	How ironic... __________________ Need a NON-ADULT income stream? We build your YOUTUBE CHANNEL for only $20 per video! For Hire: $3/hour or $400 per month Marketing Specialist Virtual Assistants

08-26-2009, 06:44 PM	#20
ToplistBlog_Com So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Queens NY Posts: 2,065	The Onion is the best source for news next to the Daily Show. ;)

08-26-2009, 06:48 PM	#21
cykoe6 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vegas Posts: 4,499	Fucking hysterical. I love the Onion. __________________ бабки, шлюхи, сила

08-26-2009, 07:55 PM	#22
ilnjscb Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 8,870	Funny Logistics for terrorists

08-27-2009, 12:52 AM	#23
VeriSexy Join The Royal Family Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 25,463	that site always cracks me up __________________ Looking for a KICK ASS TEEN SPONSOR? Check out ROYAL CASH - THE KING OF TEEN! Incredible webmaster tools FHGs, Morphing Blog and RSS Feeds, Embedded FLV & WMV Videos. With TOP RATIO Sites like TeenStarsOnly.com - Earn $$ with our New Site & Bonus Payouts!! ATMovs.com \| iTeenVideo.com \| TeenSexMovs.com \| TeenSexMania.com

08-27-2009, 03:12 AM	#24
John-ACWM Work Work Work Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: EU Posts: 20,060	That should happen everyday __________________ Video Chat Forum

08-27-2009, 02:02 PM	#25
OY Industry Pioneer Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: USA/EU/ASIA Posts: 5,401	Looove the Onion __________________ Around since 1997, and the company that introduced "Cascading Billing" in MPA3® Affiliate Management and Tracking Software Outsourcing With A Norwegian Twist - NordBits - Inquire within!