Sticking It in the Shitbox
 

After watching that "poop noodle" video someone posted on here the other day, I started thinking about anal sex; more specifically, what a letdown it is. Now, I've only had anal sex a couple of times. A couple times with an ex-girlfriend who really liked it and got off on it. This means it was no fun. Another time with a different ex who let me try it once; she kind of whimpered and cried, "I don't like this," in this regressive voice of a child who refuses to finish all the broccoli on their dinner plate. I laughed. The thing is, you expect a maddeningly tight hole that grips your dick vice-like as the girl?s body involuntarily tries to shove it out in terror. A pinhole that draws back horrified from your encroaching meat, that when finally forced to yield is like conquering a ten year old schoolgirl?s hairless virgin cooch in the field hockey locker room. But no, it?s just another hole. Less than another hole ? there?s about a half inch of tightness around the actual butthole, but the actual inside of the intestines is like an airplane hangar; only one side of your dick is ever touching weird ridged tissue at any given time. The further you penetrate, the more your helmet is just gasping in open air.

Plus, it?s disgusting, obviously, to think of sticking your dick in shit. The dick you meticulously lather thrice each morning with Lever 2000 and delicately scrub down, so it?s as clean as a newborn baby when it drops into a fresh pair of boxer briefs. Sticking your dick in a shitty ass is like stepping in dog crap in dress shoes ? you may, gagging, scrub the offending waste off, but the shoes will forever have just a touch of uncleanliness about them. If you pull your dick out of an ass and see shit, you will become Lady Macbeth. It will be forever tainted. If a girl sucks you off and then tries to kiss you, you will imagine her mouth as a dog's dirty asshole, pink and puckering and rimmed with tiny black crumbs, with perhaps a lone worm squirming out.

So I?m not into it. But I'm into the fantasy of it - I enjoy beating off to porn with anal sex in it, and I beat my meat to fantasies about taking a girl in the shitpipe. But only if she doesn?t like it. Only if she has to be gently coaxed into it by some slimy bastard, and when his oversized cock finally pokes through the wall after teasing it, she cries and feels ashamed. That?s what?s hot about anal sex. The fact that girls don?t like it. The fact that it?s a virginity you might take, in a world where every girl on the planet has had more cock inside her than Colonel Sanders? barn ? one last piece of innocence and chastity you can rob from a reluctant dewey-eyed maiden, in an act that will hurt and soil her forever. Now she?s one of those girls - those whores who take it in the ass.

And also the idea of a girl surrendering every hole in her body to you is pretty hot. Completely giving up everything she has as a pleasure toy and fuckslave. As a piece of dehumanized property whose only motive and purpose in life is to please you. That?s hot. Her position of total vulnerability, on all fours proffering her ass up like some elderly woman?s overly-friendly cat ? saying take me, take whatever I have, whatever I am; take me and use me for what you want, regardless of how it hurts me. That?s hot. In real life when you pull your dick out and there?s a half digested piece of spinach on it, less so.

OMG nothing to comment but I lol'ed like a bastard. Fun post!

:D

Damn long post.

fuck it a hole is a hole, whatevers closest I'm going in.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

This is one of the most impressive things I have ever read, mind blown.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh
Thanks !!!

oh shitbox not shoebox carry on

that was an extremely entertaining and very well written post. I enjoyed it thoroughly, thanks for sharing it

My Board Tracker just exploded... :(

if she like, i stick in that hole!

As long as there's a little heat in there, right?

Thank you! I figured I would get a bunch of these, like every other time I post something longer than a paragraph.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/...gif?1318992465
Sorry bout that.

so I guess for you DATO with a girl is completely out of the question? :1orglaugh

I didn't read lol

You need to write books - That was brilliant lmao

I thought everybody already knew all that about anal sex.

your fear of shit tho is kinda silly. fastidious males, lol.

and you gloss over out the part about how some girls like it and get off on it bigtime.

but, it's true, most guys just totally do not understand anal, and are squeamish about it because of shit fears.

and, that the asshole is tight is a kind of myth.

I should print this out and give it to all the girls at the bar that ask me why men like anal sex. I tell em it's about power and control but they don't get it. Bitches be stupid.

Because the hole she bleeds from and pushes rejected tissue through is that much more appealing.

so, your goal then is to teach girls to avoid anal in the future?

makes sense.

I still like to fuck them in the ass though. You got to cum in all three holes to own them, don't you know?

All the chicks dig a good rump fuck,they just wont admit it

Well written, I was laughing the whole way through, im just gona park here in the hope of another anal shitbox rant follow up :P

What a bunch,of well..... Fucking shit :thumbsup

eeewwwwwwww

You must be pooped after writing all that. :)

I laughed, because it's wrong.

Anal Sex in the morning is the BEST!! :thumbsup

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......... unless you're in jail :Oh crap

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup

I don't even know what that is.
Don't knock it till you try it.:winkwink:


shameless self-bump

Halimah agree with you.

Nice post man! You certainly have some writing skills! I laughed a lot too, and some thing are very recognizable!

Thanks for sharing

Nothing beats ass fucking a girl that is tied with her ass in the air.

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very funny this Shotsie.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup

Has anyone here read Vice's Guide to Anal Sex? Pretty fucking hilarious. My favorite section:

THE BROWN CAVE
After massaging becomes totally commonplace you can occasionally inject a well-lubed pinkie in there when shes cumming. This is called the Trojan Pinkie Pavlov Horse or "TPPH" for short (pronounced by making a fart sound with your mouth).

You are going to notice some weird things in there. First of all theres a lot more room, than you expected. Once you get past the bouncers, its a roomy club. Thats why butt plugs are cinched where the anus goes but are all big where the rectum is. You may also notice a very prominent pulsating vein. I have no idea what the fuck that is. Its a vein. Probably a good way to check someones pulse if they have fat wrists because the thing is like "bong, bong, bong, bong." Dont worry about the vein.

The third thing you may or may not notice is a little soft finger poking back at you. Like a squishy little Turkish ET. That is a piece of poo. Dont tell her you felt that or shell be all grossed out. Just treat it like a pussy fart and pretend it never happened. Incidentally, the poo finger means you are going to get some shit on your cock. Youre probably wearing a condom anyway but if you arent, get to the bathroom the second you are done. DO NOT PASS OUT! Waking up hungover with a shit encrusted foreskin is a dangerous way to hit the showers. The hot water reactivates the stench and your already delicate stomach will kick food out of your body like a shovel throwing dirt.

http://www.mint400.net/mint_2004-200...-anal-sex.html

Thats funny. :1orglaugh

Anal will always be the best

Hilarious and very well written!