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-   -   Romney-What Happens If You Wake Up With a Mormon in the White House? (https://gfy.com/showthread.php?t=1086512)

HelmutKohl 10-23-2012 12:10 PM

Romney-What Happens If You Wake Up With a Mormon in the White House?
 
According to a controversial Joseph Smith prophecy, when America degenerates to the point where ?the Constitution hangs by a thread? , a Mormon will be elected President of the United States, triggering a whole series of disaster twists: the end of the world as we know it; the overthrow of ?gentile? rule; and the long-promised Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Only, instead of teleporting Himself somewhere interesting like Jerusalem, say the Mormons, Jesus will stage his comeback in Independence, Missouri.

Are you ready to vote for all that ? :( MormonPresident

TampaToker 10-23-2012 12:22 PM

CRAZY MORMON BELIEFS:

1. Jesus Christ is Satan's brother.
2. God lives on a planet called "Kolob."
3. Jesus is married to a goddess wife.
4. Jesus has children from his wife or wives.
5. The Garden of Eden was in Missouri.
6. Blacks could NOT get into Heaven pre- 1978.
7. Mormons baptize dead people.
8. Mormons will become gods.
9. Mormons get their own personal planet after death
10. Mormons are the real Christians
11. Mormons wear magic underwear and never take them off unless bathing.
12. It is a sin to drink caffeine. (Coffee, Coke, Pepsi)

BlackCrayon 10-23-2012 12:28 PM

more crazy beliefs..

mormons believe that god struck cain black for killing his brother
mormons believe that god struck "native americans" brown for killing another tribe (although they also believe that they were not native americans but instead from Jerusalem.

keysync 10-23-2012 12:31 PM

Reading this on GFY must make it all true!

ilnjscb 10-23-2012 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TampaToker (Post 19269685)
CRAZY MORMON BELIEFS:

1. Jesus Christ is Satan's brother.
2. God lives on a planet called "Kolob."
3. Jesus is married to a goddess wife.
4. Jesus has children from his wife or wives.
5. The Garden of Eden was in Missouri.
6. Blacks could NOT get into Heaven pre- 1978.
7. Mormons baptize dead people.
8. Mormons will become gods.
9. Mormons get their own personal planet after death
10. Mormons are the real Christians
11. Mormons wear magic underwear and never take them off unless bathing.
12. It is a sin to drink caffeine. (Coffee, Coke, Pepsi)

I know, right, they take good old common sense stuff like this, slap a label on it, and suddenly they "own" it. Any idiot knows that all the above is absolutely true just from life!

SuckOnThis 10-23-2012 12:31 PM

Screw just having one planet, join my new religion and you'll get your own galaxy!

HelmutKohl 10-23-2012 12:53 PM

Here I come :helpme

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slides...?1351018956000

ThunderBalls 10-23-2012 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keysync (Post 19269705)
Reading this on GFY must make it all true!


Witnessing your ignorance definitely makes it true!

Helix 10-23-2012 05:46 PM

The economy recovers
People have jobs that can pay the bills
Doctors don't close their offices.
The National debt starts to decrease.
We put BFT3K on suicide watch.

Supz 10-23-2012 05:51 PM

everyone seems to forget he is a Mormon.

Relentless 10-23-2012 05:53 PM

And other religious dogma is less silly in the modern age? How exactly?

Sly 10-23-2012 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Relentless (Post 19270512)
And other religious dogma is less silly in the modern age? How exactly?

I keep thinking that same thing.

tony286 10-23-2012 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Helix (Post 19270501)
The economy recovers
People have jobs that can pay the bills
Doctors don't close their offices.
The National debt starts to decrease.
We put BFT3K on suicide watch.

If the plan Mitt has described aint going to happen. Bookmark this thread if he wins. They will fuck some programs that help the little people in the name of the budget. Then he will go on a spending spree that would make rush blush but rush wont say a word. Name a gop president since Reagan that cut spending it doesn't exist.

papill0n 10-23-2012 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Relentless (Post 19270512)
And other religious dogma is less silly in the modern age? How exactly?

they arent different at all

muppets see a catchy word and go with it

Brujah 10-23-2012 07:27 PM

Mormons baptized the dead jewish holocaust victims, so that they might eventually be saved.

Robbie 10-23-2012 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tony286 (Post 19270519)
Name a gop president since Reagan that cut spending it doesn't exist.

There's only been two. Both named Bush.
So that's a loaded question. :1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

[Labret] 10-23-2012 07:47 PM


helterskelter808 10-23-2012 08:02 PM

Mormons must be bad if everyone's forgetting about the Muslim.

Helix 10-23-2012 08:14 PM

and the Lizard overlords..don't forget about them ;)

mce 10-23-2012 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keysync (Post 19269705)
Reading this on GFY must make it all true!

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

mce 10-23-2012 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by [Labret] (Post 19270746)

Got any secret shriners video? Supposedly, lots of faux islamic rituals.

ruff 10-24-2012 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelmutKohl (Post 19269762)

You can see by his hand that he has a small dick. I like my president to have a BBC!

V_RocKs 10-24-2012 04:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by [Labret] (Post 19270746)

Holy shit!

CurrentlySober 10-24-2012 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TampaToker (Post 19269685)
9. Mormons get their own personal planet after death

Do they see this as good thing?

I wouldn't want that... I think I'd find it rather lonely all by myself....

Brujah 10-24-2012 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CurrentlySober (Post 19271347)
Do they see this as good thing?

I wouldn't want that... I think I'd find it rather lonely all by myself....

It isn't a lonely planet. You and your wife will have infinite spirit children that will populate worlds of your own, much like Earth was populated.

"As man is, God once was; as God is, man may be."

Paul Markham 10-24-2012 07:14 AM

Let's not belittle Mormon's they know how to make money. And they do it by a very simple method. All the people give 10% of their income to the church. Tax or donations cuts. :1orglaugh

http://historyofmormonism.com/files/...0/mormon14.jpg

http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/drap...on-temple1.jpg

http://www.rickety.us/wp-content/upl...conference.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l7UiDFe7ZB...mon-temple.jpg

http://a.abcnews.com/images/US/gty_m..._120822_wg.jpg

http://www.okland-const.com/images/NauvooExtNight.jpg

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gtnwWBlJqw...blyNauvoo1.jpg

http://mormontempleboston.com/files/...sachusets1.jpg

http://www.okland-const.com/projects_category.cfm?cid=7

Brujah 10-24-2012 07:21 AM

This is funny in an ironic way lol.

"The church's holdings include:
AgReserves Inc. - the largest producer of nuts in the United States"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Financ...ter-day_Saints

MovieMaster 10-24-2012 07:24 AM

Yall realize Harry Reid - Senate leader is mormon as well right ?

MovieMaster 10-24-2012 07:25 AM

President and senate leader both lead by mormons, Now thats the story

Robbie 10-24-2012 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MovieMaster (Post 19271550)
Yall realize Harry Reid - Senate leader is mormon as well right ?

A mormon and a moron. :1orglaugh

RebelR 10-24-2012 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brujah (Post 19271380)
It isn't a lonely planet. You and your wife will have infinite spirit children that will populate worlds of your own, much like Earth was populated.

"As man is, God once was; as God is, man may be."

Who are you going to populate with? So each Man gets his own planet (since Mormonism is a patriarchal religion) how do you get to meet your wife if you are stuck on a planet by yourself. Is there a planet that's all Mormon women (lets hope so.. hehe) Is there an intergalactic barn dance that you can go to (that doesn't serve alcohol, or maybe there is a universal drink that they can have, but we don't have it here on earth) to meet your future wife? I just don't see the logistics behind this one.

Brujah 10-24-2012 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RebelR (Post 19271586)
Who are you going to populate with? So each Man gets his own planet (since Mormonism is a patriarchal religion) how do you get to meet your wife if you are stuck on a planet by yourself. Is there a planet that's all Mormon women (lets hope so.. hehe) Is there an intergalactic barn dance that you can go to (that doesn't serve alcohol, or maybe there is a universal drink that they can have, but we don't have it here on earth) to meet your future wife? I just don't see the logistics behind this one.

It isn't a planet reward. It's that you become like God, so you have all the same power and use it to create your own worlds, with your own people (your children), etc...

If you meet the eligibility criteria, you can be married for eternity to your wife in the temple. She joins you in the afterlife, where you become a god and she is your partner. The two of you, continue to have spiritual children for eternity. This is how it was for all humans in our world, in a pre-existence. After, we are all born in order to gain bodies, and progress to an afterlife.

pornguy 10-24-2012 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon (Post 19269700)
more crazy beliefs..

mormons believe that god struck cain black for killing his brother
mormons believe that god struck "native americans" brown for killing another tribe (although they also believe that they were not native americans but instead from Jerusalem.

native Americans are not brown. they are red.

joshuawk 10-24-2012 08:29 AM

what are you guys talking about?!@? no direction

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ICckD...=results_video


pathetic ..

Paul Markham 10-24-2012 08:36 AM

Tony Blair to get elected had to hide his religious beliefs. To stay in office he continually hid or played them down. When asked a direct question of whether he and Bush prayed together, he replied it was a silly question. He knew in an advanced civilised country he would get hung out to dry for saying anything else.

I don't think the French, Germans or any advanced country are different. And that's the way it should be.

Michael O 10-24-2012 08:46 AM

I had big plans in my 20's but never worked out the plan to do it and my friends were not interested.
I thought the easiest qay to infinite riches were either:
1) Become a dictator
2) Start a religion

Either way if you know when to quick you can retire in 20 years or less.

BlackCrayon 10-24-2012 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pornguy (Post 19271678)
native Americans are not brown. they are red.

i can't say i've ever met a red one.

Brujah 10-24-2012 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael O (Post 19271726)
I had big plans in my 20's but never worked out the plan to do it and my friends were not interested.
I thought the easiest way to infinite riches were either:
1) Become a dictator
2) Start a religion

Either way if you know when to quick you can retire in 20 years or less.

Unfortunately for Joseph Smith he was assassinated by an angry mob before he could really reap the rewards.

HelmutKohl 10-24-2012 10:41 AM

http://www.usachristianministries.co...esus_Drag1.jpg


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