The worst shit you have ever taken.
 

During the super bowl party this weekend my friends and I started talking about the worst shit we have ever taken. I'm not sure how this got started, but it was pretty funny. The idea is: When in your life was the worst place/situation you had to shit in and what happened. The one I laughed at the most was my buddy who got sick in his car and shit his pants while driving then pulled into a gas station and went into the bathroom where he tried to clean them out. With no luck he went back to the car and got a blanket. He threw his clothes in the garbage, cleaned up as best he could and fashioned the blanket into a diaper to drive home.

Here is mine:
I was 21 years old and writing for a music magazine. I had to interview a band that was playing a small club called Satyricon. I was feeling sick, but needed to do this. I get there hoping the band goes on early so I can interview them, watch the set and go home. I then find out that they don't go on for about an hour. I have to shit and there is no way I can hold it. I go into the bathroom. It is rank and nasty. There is about an inch of water mixed with god knows what on the floor. I go into one of the two stalls and sit. I am trying to hold my pants up so they don't hit the floor and get wet. The door has no lock and barely shuts and the place is packed so people are bumping in and trying to come into the stall so I end up just using my feet to hold the door closed. I finish and that is when I realized I didn't look before sitting. There is no toilet paper. I now have to open the door and ask someone to look in the next stall. A guy looks for me and sees nothing is there. Luckily I know one of the owners and he is bar tending that night. I ask the guy who looked for the TP if he will go ask the bar tender to come in here. It takes him about 10 minutes to get there, all the while my legs are starting to go numb. Finally he gets there, I explain what is up and he leaves to get some TP. Another 10 minutes later he comes back with a handful of napkins and says, " This is the best I can do bud."

Having spent about 30 minutes on the toilet I could barely walk when I finally got out of there. The worst part of it is the band flaked on me and never showed up. I could have just left and nobody would have known.

Any good stories?

No stories from me..

I had an upset stomach while on the bus to Cairo in Egypt and I had to use the bus toilet while the bus was moving very fast and bouncing back and forth. The toilet was already completely bombarded with loose shit and piss. It was a bad shit, very bad shit.

shit happens, much to often

Actually I have one of a ex employee.. We called him LA..

He was a lil short dude, and he always dressed real nice.. And he always danced to the background music while working.. (telemarketing)

On this day he is wearing some white silk pants of all days... He is dancing around as usual, I am telling him to sit down as usual.. And next thing you know he decides to fart with the beat.. And as he kicks his leg up to let these burst of air out.. In perfect tempo I will add... The back of his pants and down the pivot leg turns brown and you could actually see some misting in the air...

I was around 8 years old and for some reason I stopped shitting. I don't exactly remember why, maybe I liked the feeling of holding up shit. Maybe I found it challenging. I did this for about two weeks, till I couldn't hold it any longer. I was with my mom visiting a family member and I went to the toilet. Luckily it was clean and I felt comfortable there but god damn that shit HURT. Out came the biggest ball of non lubricated shit, tearing my ass apart. I screamed and cried and felt violated/raped.

Later I went to the hospital and got a soft needle with water injected in my rectum so the rest could soften up and come out. I ran to the hospitals toilet and shat for about 10 minutes.

i think the worst (of many) was a bus stop from Vientiane, Laos to Vang Vieng, Laos. s.e. asia toliets (toliets being a very loose term haha) are abviously (and with good reason) famous for being some of the most terrible in the world. no toliet paper, shit-stained walls, shit covered floor, well over 100 degrees, flies and cockroaches everywhere. but when you have to go, you have to go. i had to take off my underwear and use it to wipe my ass... commando time. the smell.... well, i am sure you get the picture lol.

...oh wtf... back when I was 13 yo I was trying to romance this 15 yo chick... yeah I lied about my age and told her I was 15 ... anywho.. everything was going smoothly when.... BAM... one nasty fart right thur .... the weird thing tho... we ended up hooking up ... yeap... good old days :) .... it is true what they say that a woman never truly loves a man till she learns to love his farts .... can't remember the name of the great philosopher who said that... lol ;)

mm.. this don't seem funny to me... I too was victim of severe constipation back when I was young.... but I ....one time went really far.. I seriously thought I was going to die (age 10) ... true story...

Wow, tell me more.

I'm not sure if we had the same problem though, I think as a kid I was just dumb to know better. It wasn't like I couldn't shit, I just never went to the toilet. I guess it was a form of rebelling.

... well to tell u the truth I have no idea why I wasn't going to the toilet.....maybe some fear of constipation which made it even worse.... or maybe I was testing myself wondering how far I could go... because I remember I had this bad habit of counting the number of days since I last had gone to the crapié.....

When I was 10 I remember... one time I went for over a month .. a month yo! ... not shitting with ya... it got so bad and the stools got so big and impacted that I could actually feel the bastards by simply touching with my fingers just below my belly button ... that was the time when I thought I was going to die... I had to go to the hospital to get a highly lubed enema to get it out.... needless to say ... the toilet I used had to be decommissioned ...:Oh crap

That was some scary shit and ever since I became obsessed with the amount of water I drink on a daily basis... I now feel nervous if I haven't had 8 glasses of water/booze/tea/juice a day...

While hiking up a rather steep mountain.

The shit itself wasn't so bad (though definitely sudden), but I had to take it while hanging from a rock, a few hundred feet above a road, with a group of tourists walking along the road :Oh crap

IM pretty careful about that.

<enter fuzebox>

this guys got the type of 'shit' story that gives me nightmares

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh
You know how to tell a story :thumbsup

My last few months have been racked with guilt and shame over a horrible incident and the need to purge myself has become overwhelming. So I turn to you for a compassionate ear.
Last summer, I took my girlfriend, I'll call her Helen, and her son, I'll call him Patch, to a water amusement park, attempting to nurture the bond that was forming between us. After a busy morning of paddleboats and bumper cars, we took a moment to refresh ourselves with a hardy lunch of chili dogs, cheese fries, and lemonade.

Relaxing under shade trees, Patch smiled a chili-smeared grin, as the sun cast its languid glow over the park. With the leisurely picnic ending, we hastily dispersed to the changing rooms, in anticipation of our next adventure—the giant water slide.

During our first run, I noticed a gnawing, internal discomfort, although the first sure signs of brown-capping weren’t apparent until Patch and I climbed the half-mile of stairs to the summit, for our second run. Unfortunately, I had taken the opportunity, to wear a most-revealing, blue Speedo, in the hope of further enamoring myself to the beautiful Helen. Lord knows, I have the body to accommodate such a blatant, public display of manhood.

However, I soon began to regret my decision, for the sharp, cut of the elastic dug into my swelling, gaseous abdomen. My intestines were bubbling like a whirlpool. By the time we reached the loading platform at the summit, I was squirming in wretched misery. Considering my options, I surmised that taking the slide was far more promising than fighting my way back down the stairs, through the crowd. Thank God I was next in line. My trouble would soon be over. The only obstacle before me was an elderly German tourist, staring pensively at the wild rapids. With obvious reservation, he shuffled slowly toward the mouth of the blue tunnel. Beyond the point of pleasantries, I bellowed, “Come on, Pops! Shake a leg!”

Turning toward the acne-pocked boy who was managing the ride that day, he made a feeble attempt in his native tongue to communicate his apprehension. I had no other choice! The brown star pulsated—nearing supernova. The manager boy recoiled in shock as I pushed the old man down the slide, headfirst. Cursing me with hostile foreign jibberish, he disappeared around the first turn. In an instant, I followed, hurling myself down the slick, plastic vortex.

The fury of the slide was incredible. Rolling and spinning, I gathered speed quickly. The angle of the chute dipped to nearly seventy degrees, increasing my velocity as I careened from side to side, the water turning to white, angry foam. Ricocheting from a high, banking wall, the impact smashed me like some fecal-laden pinata. I lost control, discharging a foul, liquid trail.

A child screamed somewhere behind me, as I slid toward certain humiliation below. Frantically, I grabbed at the back of my Speedo, in a desperate attempt to flush myself clean. To my dismay, a fetid school of dung-guppies spilled into the churning maelstrom.

Nearing the final turn, the old man was standing upright in the tunnel in front of me, I’m sure, to exact some sort of revenge. His sinewy muscles were tensed, rage filled his dilated eyes. But with youth, and gravity, on my side, I swiftly took him out at the ankles. A palsied hand grabbed me as we tumbled out of the chute, and into the pool.

Moments later, a wailing boy fell behind us, riding the crest of a polluted wave. Thinking fast, I collared the old man, and dragged him onto the concrete deck. A lifeguard confronted us as people ran screaming from the pool in pale-faced terror. I explained to the guard how the old man had soiled the waters, how obviously the speed and excitement had proven too much for a man of his age and condition.

Unable to comprehend my story, or explain himself, the old man could only respond with a flurry of incomprehensible shrieks, vective, and obscene gestures. I suggested that he was hysterical from embarassment and that in the best interests of everyone that he be removed from the park—immediately.

The guard eyed me with suspicion, but had no alternative but to believe my story. Fortunately, the force of the waters had washed me thoroughly of any incriminating evidence. I gathered Helen and Patch, and made a dash for the parking lot. I’m sure the truth eventually surfaced, but not until we were safely on the interstate, heading back home.

Shok I am already laughing & im only on paragraph 2


you & AZ Fema Representative need to write a book

Ahhhhh Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!

I have an 8 month old at home who has just started eating whatever she can from our plates.

If you want to smell or see some horrible shits, have a baby.

Damn it!! I have no stories like that...

damn dude,
I am really sorry, but this story is hilarious :)

thanks

hahaahahah

I told him today I never believe him

The worst shit it's the criticism from people that don't really know you...

Glad I could entertain ya :)

I laugh at it too nowadays. It's just one of those strange things I did as a kid.