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-   -   Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb - LOLLLL (https://gfy.com/showthread.php?t=924017)

OY 08-26-2009 09:55 AM

Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb - LOLLLL
 
BAGHDAD?Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber Ahmed al-Khalaf, 19, who was killed by a car bomb Monday, 200 yards from an Iraqi police station, his intended target.

http://www.theonion.com/content/file...e-Bomber-C.jpg

Sources within the insurgency said al-Khalaf was "on his way to becoming a glorious martyr" when he was struck down by the car-bomb explosion. Twenty-three other civilians were also killed.

"What kind of God allows the death of people who are on their way to kill innocent people?" insurgent leader Abdulwahid al-Tomizie said. "On the one hand, I am elated that the car-bomb explosion was successful, but the loss of the suicide bomber is a tragedy, as is the survival of all the innocent people he might have killed."


According to al-Tomizie, al-Khalaf could have killed as many as 40 innocent people, had his life not been cut short.

"It is tragic that al-Khalaf died seven minutes sooner than he intended," said Hassan Abdul Aziz, leader of a local cabal of Sunni separatists. "To think that he was just yards from his intended target. Our thoughts and prayers are with his terrorist cell."


No insurgent groups have claimed responsibility for the car bomb, although as many as 18 separate insurgency factions have vowed to carry on the fight in al-Khalaf's memory.

In the past week, over 170 Iraqi citizens and U.S. troops have died in terrorist or insurgent attacks, but al-Khalaf's death marks the first time a terrorist has been killed by another terrorist while on a different terrorist mission.

Terrorist leaders have called the incident a "wake-up call."

"No one likes to see a senseless waste of a willingness to take human life," said al-Qaeda operative Salih al-Shimiri, in a videotaped message aired on Al-Jazeera Monday evening. "However, there are worse problems than having too many suicide bombers on our streets."

Insurgent leaders met Monday to draft new rules to prevent bombing mix-ups like the one that killed al-Khalaf. One proposal would limit suicide bombings to odd hours, car bombings to even. Another designates "Car Bomb Only" traffic lanes to help terrorists get to their bombing locations more quickly and efficiently.

"I had a man last week get stuck in traffic while driving a car bomb to the Mendi Temple," al-Shimiri said. "When he arrived, he found it already on fire. We don't fill the cars up with enough gas to make two-way trips, so he was forced to blow up a nearby disco. This is madness."

Al-Shimiri added: "We all have the same goal here?the killing of innocent civilians. Let's stop working at cross purposes."

Iraqi cleric Moqtada al-Sadr believes all insurgents must find direction in their extreme fundamentalist faith. "When I close my eyes, all I can see are the faces of all the innocents al-Khalaf will never get a chance to kill. It is a sad day, but we must not let it shake our faith in the wrath of Allah."

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Got to love THE ONION! :thumbsup

C H R I S 08-26-2009 10:36 AM

Fuck me sideways..

RayBonga 08-26-2009 10:38 AM

Quote:

Twenty-three other civilians were also killed.
No that funny :2 cents:

Don Pueblo 08-26-2009 10:39 AM

fuck em, let em all kill each other.

eZe 08-26-2009 10:44 AM

LMAO play with fire get burned.

Tube Ace 08-26-2009 10:50 AM

The onion

Machete_ 08-26-2009 10:55 AM

It's The Onion you idiots!!! - Its political satire (that arent funny btw)

Even if it was a real news site, you should know it was fake right from the start when they say:
"Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber"

CaptainHowdy 08-26-2009 11:14 AM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha...

seeandsee 08-26-2009 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AVNChris (Post 16238038)
Fuck me sideways..

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

baddog 08-26-2009 11:22 AM

Some of you blow my mind.

porndotnet 08-26-2009 11:33 AM

hahah. good one.

Rochard 08-26-2009 11:57 AM

LOL. Let them all kill each other.

jakethedog 08-26-2009 12:07 PM

I had tears in my eyes ....

DaddyHalbucks 08-26-2009 12:23 PM

My gosh that is funny!

SykkBoy 08-26-2009 12:50 PM

As I started reading, I thought "damn, this has to be from The Onion" and sure enough, haha

those guys are great

webair 08-26-2009 12:57 PM

gotta love that!

Scott McD 08-26-2009 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SykkBoy2 (Post 16238490)
As I started reading, I thought "damn, this has to be from The Onion" and sure enough, haha

those guys are great

Yup! This one got some great reactions too by the look of it... :1orglaugh

$5 submissions 08-26-2009 01:06 PM

How ironic...

GatorB 08-26-2009 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by $5 submissions (Post 16238549)
How ironic...

What's ironic the story or the fact half the people here don't get it's from the Onion

ToplistBlog_Com 08-26-2009 06:44 PM

The Onion is the best source for news next to the Daily Show. ;)

cykoe6 08-26-2009 06:48 PM

Fucking hysterical. I love the Onion.

ilnjscb 08-26-2009 07:55 PM

Funny
 
Logistics for terrorists

VeriSexy 08-27-2009 12:52 AM

that site always cracks me up

John-ACWM 08-27-2009 03:12 AM

That should happen everyday :thumbsup

OY 08-27-2009 02:02 PM

Looove the Onion :thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup

WonderWoman 08-27-2009 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oystein (Post 16242808)
Looove the Onion :thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup

"What kind of God allows a The Onion to go unrecognized while Jon Stewart and his Daily Show are recognized everywhere?"

This is injustice and such a waste of good satire news. :upsidedow


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