Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryan G
(Post 20557516)
Had he posted a pic of him next to the coffin you would have ripped him for that as well right? Most likely worst. I have Vend on FB and this is real, his friend is dead enough already dude.
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Bryan, when i was in the 10th grade, I was walking off the bus and one of my dickhead friends made a remark that i flipped off the bus driver. Just screwing around like the shitheads we were and running their mouths. The next morning, I was called into the principles office and was told I was suspended. I argued but there was no point to it.
When I got home, my mother was really upset at me. Being at that age, for the first time ever, talked back to my mother because I believed I did nothing wrong. I don't remember exactly what I said, it wasn't anything big but more of a "look, i didn't do anything wrong and what you are doing is wrong" kind of thing. Regardless, i felt horrible about it.
The next morning, I went to school with a friend and was feeling really terrible about the day before. I really don't like anyone in my family as they are mostly just bizarre, inbred Jerry Springer types from the deep south, who can't stop talking about others, getting into other peoples business, trying to hurt each other and so on. My father, was just an abusive asshole. I lived in constant terror of him. I grew up trying to stay well out of arms reach of him because there was no way to know when I would get hit or for what. This argument with my mother really bothered me. Making it worse, it was her birthday. I sat at school all day long thinking about what a horrible child I was and what I would say to her and how I wanted to giver her my present and tell her i loved her and that I was sorry.
I got home from school, did all my chores and was just sitting there in the living room, expecting her any minute.
She didn't come home. I didn't know why or what was going on but assumed it was some birthday thing with coworkers or something.
At about 8pm, the phone rang. It was a close friend of hers, asking if she was home. It was odd. I sensed immediately that something was off. She finally told me that she passed a car wreck on her way home that looked like my moms SUV.
As I set the phone down, an aunt pulled into the driveway. She came to our house maybe 1 time in 10 years in spite of living right down the street, so now i knew something was wrong. As she opened the door, the interior light of her truck came on and I could see the tears in her eyes. Now I knew something was really really wrong.
She came to me and told me that my mother was killed in a car accident.
The guy who hit my mother on the way home from her own birthday party had been drinking all day long. He couldn't even stand up according to the last witnesses... yet everyone around him had no issues letting him get into his MOTORHOME and drive off.
His headlights were off.
He was doing about 80mph.
It was night.
He was in the wrong lane.
He hit my mothers car head on, killing her instantly.
The even more tragic part was that it was his 3rd time involved in hitting someone and killing them while drunk and driving. Later, we learned that he had previously killed a mother and her 2 children.
He was sentenced to 5 years in a minimum security prison.
He was out in 2.
One thing I will never forget in my life was going to the funeral. I felt like if i didn't go. If i didn't see the coffin, if i didn't see that box knowing she was in it, then i could keep telling myself it wasn't real... that it didn't happen. I could still tell myself that she'd be home when i got there. That somehow it could all be undone and things could be back to normal. I felt like i'd still have time to figure things out and make everything OK, before it was too late.
As they lowered her body into the ground, i collapsed. I lost it at that moment, i think because I knew that point that it was all real. It happened. She was gone. I'd never see her again. I'd never get to tell her I was sorry. I'd never get to give her the present i'd got her which was still sitting at home in the living room.
There are tears in my eyes as I write this and even think about it, though it was long ago.
One thing is for certain, when you lose someone close to you... someone that you really love. You are thinking a lot of things. None of them good. None of them positive. None of them happy. Not in that moment. Definitely not in that moment. As you watch that body get lowered into the ground, you aren't thinking "this is a moment to remember and celebrate" unless you are a typical anti-social personality, psychopath or sociopath. And we don't "grieve in different ways" which is why there are 5 stages of grief... not "2-41 possible stages of grief". There are those who don't experience the same emotions in the same ways or even at all. They have mental disorders and miswired brains.
There are a few things you are DEFINITELY not thinking when you've lost someone you love and are at their funeral, they are being laid to rest in the gound and
IF you are not a typical anti-social personality, psychopath or sociopath.
1) "Where can i take great pics as the body of a person I really love is being lowered into the ground.... i think i'll try to be about 50 yards away from the service and friends and family - after all, why be around everyone that loved him, as I did and say a final goodbye"
2) "How can I include as many patched bikers and motorcycles in the pics"
3) "How do i describe riding with a bunch of bikers back to their club house to hang out with them so i look cool"
4) "How fast can i get these online to show complete strangers that I hung out with a bunch of bad ass bikers as per my usual, recurring theme on a forum full of pornographers, 99% of whom i do not even know"
