This guy named Jeff walked outside one hot August night to throw away a pizza box. There was raccoon by the dumpster, and he said to Jeff " Hey Jeff, don't throw away that pizza box."

"why not?" Jeff asked the raccoon.

"For each piece of crust you have, I'll grant you a wish." said the raccoon. Jeff peeked inside the box and saw that there were three pieces of crust.

Jeff contemplated what the raccoon said for a moment. My wife is sick with Leukemia, he thought. I'm also late with my car payment and I'm bald. I can ask the raccoon to cure my wife's illness, so we can live the rest of our lives together. Then after that, I'll ask for 250 dollars so I can make my car payment. Then I'll wish for my hair back, so my wife will want to have sex with me after she gets out of the hospital. Jeff said "Okay, Mr Raccoon. I know what I want ---"

just then, the raccoon leaped onto Jeff's face and clawed him mercilessly until his eyeballs became a pulpy jelly. Then he furiously raped Jeff's mouth and shot his raccoon load down his throat, almost choking him to death.

Then he took the pizza crust and ran.

3 months later, a sightless, disfigured Jeff gave birth to a litter of half raccoon butt babies.

two kids, boy and girl are playing at the sands, and the boy put by mistake hand betweek girls legs, and "ooops, you are also a boy?" and she said "no, i just made a poo"

:thumbsup

Jon Clark

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says

Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says,

My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit ?

She said

No, I don't think you understand - my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales...

haha some good ones

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:thumbsup

I ran into my ex-wife the other day and I was suddenly overwhelmed by two overpowering urges at the same time. The urge to fuck her and the urge to kill her.

The the real dilemma....... which to do first.

If I fuck her first, we'd be arguing just like when we were married.

but

If I kill her her first, we'd be fucking just like when we were married.

Heh, someone just forwarded this email to me:

Dad at the Mall

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'what?s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Without missing a beat my dad replied:

?I got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

A young boy asks his mum "mum why am I black?".
His mum answers "from what I remember of that party you're lucky you don't bark!".

Nice thread, funny ones

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your cock up a girls' arse.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Sorry for the bad grammar in my last post. By means of apology, here's another awful joke...

What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in the US?

Sexy kids.

Two old women got together, Jewish and Italian.

Jewish woman - I live in nursing home, I have my own apartment, every night after dinner my boyfriend comes to me.

Italian woman - and?

Jewish woman - we go to my bedroom.

Italian woman - and?

Jewish woman - we sit on my bed and sing the Jewish songs.

Italian woman - I live in nursing home too, I have my own apartment too, every night after dinner my boyfriend comes to me too.

Jewish woman - and?

Italian woman - we go to my bedroom.

Jewish woman - and?


Italian woman - we get in my bed and fuck because we don't know any Jewish songs.