What is the best joke you have ever heard? - Page 2 - GoFuckYourself.com

chaze · 01-13-2011, 03:30 PM

Damn the superman one and the dildo ones are fucken classic. I'm writing these down.

rogueteens · 01-13-2011, 03:32 PM

Two nuns in a bath, the first says "where's the soap", The second says "yes it does, does'nt it!"

The Porn Nerd · 01-13-2011, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troncarver

thats a poem, not a joke retard

Hahaha! Actually, that's a fucking LIMERICK you dumb fuck, as in "There once was a girl from nantucket...", and limericks are JOKES. Google it you illiterate pigshithead.

2MuchMark · 01-13-2011, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rogueteens

Two nuns in a bath, the first says "where's the soap", The second says "yes it does, does'nt it!"

I don't get it!

Quentin · 01-13-2011, 04:38 PM

Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?

A: He forgot his safe word.

cam_girls · 01-13-2011, 04:40 PM

I'm going to tell the whale one with the blowjob but no seamen,
but I'm going to make them sperm whales!

Danmixz · 01-13-2011, 04:41 PM

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother

I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…

Slick · 01-13-2011, 04:44 PM

Why do dogs lick their weiners ??

Because they can't make a fist ;)

Zayne E. · 01-13-2011, 04:52 PM

A hamburger walks into a bar, hops up on a stool and says, "Barkeep -- give me a beer!" The bartender replies, "I'm sorry...we don't serve food here."

georgeyw · 01-13-2011, 06:50 PM

Duck walks into a bar, walks up to the barman and says : 'Got any milk?', Barman says politely 'no this is a bar we serve alcohol'.

The duck sits there patiently for a few minutes and then turns the the barman to say 'Got any milk?', again the barman says 'No this is a bar'.

Duck sits back looking about the bar again and says to the barman 'got any milk?' barman getting slightly agitated says ' no i don't have any fucking milk'.

The duck sits back and after a few minutes turns to the barman and says 'got any milk?' - the barman now enraged says 'if you ask me for milk one more time, i'll nail your bill to the bar'.

The duck looks up at the barman and says 'got any nails?' barman says 'no' duck says 'got any milk?'

chaze · 01-13-2011, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zayne E.

A hamburger walks into a bar, hops up on a stool and says, "Barkeep -- give me a beer!" The bartender replies, "I'm sorry...we don't serve food here."

ha ha nice,

A bear walks into a bar and the bar tender says we don't serve your kind here. So the Bear goes.... give me a bear! The bar tender says get out of here or I will shoot you, we don't serve your kind. The Bear says.... give me a fucken bear now bitch! The bar tender whips out a gun and shoots the bear in the hand, so the bear bails out quick while bleeding everywhere....

6 months later.. the bear walks into the bar slamming the doors then walks up to the tender and says.... I came.. for the man.. who shot my paw..

mavruda · 01-13-2011, 07:16 PM

Kiopa_Matt · 01-13-2011, 07:23 PM

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

Kiopa_Matt · 01-13-2011, 07:24 PM

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

Juicy D. Links · 01-13-2011, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quentin

Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross?

A: He forgot his safe word.

chaze · 01-13-2011, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiopa_Matt

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

lololool nice

Some Guy · 01-13-2011, 08:16 PM

Women are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Har, har, har.

NETbilling · 01-13-2011, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MisterPeabody

At least mine was ORIGINAL.
It also has the added benefit of being accurate.

Really? How so?

Luscious Media · 01-13-2011, 10:50 PM

Confucius say, man who go to bed with itchy asshole wake up with stinky finger.

NETbilling · 01-13-2011, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chaze

ha ha nice,

A bear walks into a bar and the bar tender says we don't serve your kind here. So the Bear goes.... give me a bear! The bar tender says get out of here or I will shoot you, we don't serve your kind. The Bear says.... give me a fucken bear now bitch! The bar tender whips out a gun and shoots the bear in the hand, so the bear bails out quick while bleeding everywhere....

6 months later.. the bear walks into the bar slamming the doors then walks up to the tender and says.... I came.. for the man.. who shot my paw..

Wouldn't it have the bear's son comes in 6 months later?

NETbilling · 01-13-2011, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiopa_Matt

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

That's damn funny!

NETbilling · 01-13-2011, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SongRider

Just fucking nasty... From an old Bass player I used to jam with...

Girl asks her Dad to borrow the car... he says... "sure... if you suck my dick". She yells "THATS FUCKING GROSS DAD"! and storms outta the room. She thinks about it awhile and decides to try again. "Dad... can I PLEASE borrow the car tonight"? He repeats... "If you suck my dick". Well, She really wants to go out so she decides to just do it. She puts his dick in her mouth and screams..."DAD... YOUR DICK TASTES LIKE SHIT"!... Hes says... "Oh thats right... I forgot... your brother borrowed the car tonight".

BAM! Very funny and tasteless too. I love it.

ottopottomouse · 01-14-2011, 11:27 AM

I was in Brisbane waiting for ages for a bus.

Then what do you know, two float past at once.

Elli · 01-14-2011, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiopa_Matt

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time".

She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

Hahah love it!

Evil Chris · 01-14-2011, 12:25 PM

I should have posted it in here!
http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=1006083

CaptainHowdy · 01-14-2011, 12:28 PM

Best punchline: "Your funds are safe..."

JerseyPuma · 01-14-2011, 12:31 PM

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some oral sex could bring your wife out of the coma.
The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.

The nurses took him to his wife’s room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction. After a few minutes the monitor’s alarm goes off and she flatlines...no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!

The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?

The husband says "She choked."

01-13-2011, 03:32 PM	#52
rogueteens So fucking bland Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: England Posts: 8,005	Two nuns in a bath, the first says "where's the soap", The second says "yes it does, does'nt it!" __________________ Free traffic and backlinks from one of the fastest growing adult pinsites on the net - SAUCY PICTURES! Easily my best performing webcam sponsor - CLICK HERE!!

01-13-2011, 04:38 PM	#55
Quentin Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 1,280	Q: Why did Jesus die on the cross? A: He forgot his safe word. __________________ Q. Boyer

01-13-2011, 04:41 PM	#57
Danmixz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 649	I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio… __________________ FFMPEG Hosting with AptHost

01-13-2011, 07:16 PM	#62
mavruda porn cartoonist Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Vatican City Posts: 2,597	What's needed to make a woman laugh

01-13-2011, 07:23 PM	#63
Kiopa_Matt Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 1,448	Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire! __________________ xMarkPro -- Ultimate Blog Network Management Streamline your marketing operations. Centralize management of domains, pages, Wordpress blogs, sponsors, link codes, media items, sales and traffic statistics, plus more!

01-13-2011, 03:30 PM	#51
chaze Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 9,752	Damn the superman one and the dildo ones are fucken classic. I'm writing these down.

01-13-2011, 04:40 PM	#56
cam_girls So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 2,968	I'm going to tell the whale one with the blowjob but no seamen, but I'm going to make them sperm whales!

01-13-2011, 04:44 PM	#58
Slick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Houghton, MI Posts: 7,338	Why do dogs lick their weiners ?? Because they can't make a fist ;)

01-13-2011, 04:52 PM	#59
Zayne E. Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 1,383	A hamburger walks into a bar, hops up on a stool and says, "Barkeep -- give me a beer!" The bartender replies, "I'm sorry...we don't serve food here."

01-13-2011, 06:50 PM	#60
georgeyw 58008 53773 Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 9,864	Duck walks into a bar, walks up to the barman and says : 'Got any milk?', Barman says politely 'no this is a bar we serve alcohol'. The duck sits there patiently for a few minutes and then turns the the barman to say 'Got any milk?', again the barman says 'No this is a bar'. Duck sits back looking about the bar again and says to the barman 'got any milk?' barman getting slightly agitated says ' no i don't have any fucking milk'. The duck sits back and after a few minutes turns to the barman and says 'got any milk?' - the barman now enraged says 'if you ask me for milk one more time, i'll nail your bill to the bar'. The duck looks up at the barman and says 'got any nails?' barman says 'no' duck says 'got any milk?'

01-13-2011, 07:24 PM	#64
Kiopa_Matt Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 1,448	A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time". She said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick." __________________ xMarkPro -- Ultimate Blog Network Management Streamline your marketing operations. Centralize management of domains, pages, Wordpress blogs, sponsors, link codes, media items, sales and traffic statistics, plus more!

01-13-2011, 08:16 PM	#67
Some Guy Affordable Content! Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Tucson, Arizona Posts: 1,750	Women are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand. Har, har, har. __________________ Need a Cheap Design? - Cheap Quality Content Available! Fuck you Michelle Malkin and Fox News

01-13-2011, 10:50 PM	#69
Luscious Media Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Foxwoods Posts: 785	Confucius say, man who go to bed with itchy asshole wake up with stinky finger. __________________ Luscious Media ICQ: 293-550-859 CFNM Cash

01-14-2011, 11:27 AM	#73
ottopottomouse She is ugly, bad luck. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 13,177	I was in Brisbane waiting for ages for a bus. Then what do you know, two float past at once. __________________ ↑ see post ↑ 13101

01-14-2011, 12:25 PM	#75
Evil Chris OG Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: 3rd from the Sun Posts: 13,233	I should have posted it in here! http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=1006083 __________________ It PAYZE to post on GFY chris at payze.com \| Skype chriswrp

01-14-2011, 12:28 PM	#76
CaptainHowdy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Happy in the dark. Posts: 93,434	Best punchline: "Your funds are safe..." __________________ "Tjeezers.cam wishes you a nice day”

01-14-2011, 12:31 PM	#77
JerseyPuma Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: FL Posts: 1,149	A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor. As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some oral sex could bring your wife out of the coma. The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced. The nurses took him to his wife’s room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction. After a few minutes the monitor’s alarm goes off and she flatlines...no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing! The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!? The husband says "She choked." __________________ LOVERCASH.COM good dating sites.