Google purchases god - GoFuckYourself.com

DBS.US · 11-07-2009, 08:19 PM

Google Inc. (stock symbol GOOG) announced today that it has acquired God (stock symbol GOD) for an estimated $8.2 billion. News of this acquisition has already rocked Wall Street as well as Vatican City, leaving many business analysts and religious leaders wondering what the Silicon Valley giant plans to do with the Almighty.

"It's real simple: God is the ultimate search engine," says Google CEO Steve Stevenson. "Imagine searching for 'Osama bin Laden' and getting a Google Map of his exact location. Or searching for 'the meaning of life' and actually getting the answer."

The amount of data that God collects is undoubtedly staggering and Google hopes to boost its entire online software suite with this newly acquired omniscience.

One such boost would be given to AdSense, Google's advertising network. Instead of merely displaying relevant ads based on keywords, the new God-powered AdSense would also tweak the ads to cater to an individual's fears, dreams and sins. While shopping online, a husband might see an ad stating, "Hi Phil. Your wife Debbie knows you're diddling your receptionist. You'd better click here," which takes him to Kay Jewelers or the nearest law firm.

This acquisition further escalates the competition between Google and Microsoft, who was also looking to buy out the media-shy Creator. Now in an effort to remain competitive, Microsoft is looking to buy out Satan, the Prince of Darkness (stock symbol BEZLBUB). If successful, the acquisition would also give Microsoft control over Satan's subsidiaries, such as Oprah Winfrey's Harpo Productions and Facebook.

As expected, God was unavailable for comment. However sources close to the long-time deity state that He was happy to finally sell off His godliness and that He plans to retire to Aruba "to find Himself."

mmcfadden · 11-07-2009, 08:24 PM

google rocks! actually google sucks... google does not now where god is because only one individual knows that... and thats me

fatfoo · 11-07-2009, 08:30 PM

I talk through the cows.

fatfoo · 11-07-2009, 08:30 PM

Cash cows.

okny · 11-07-2009, 08:33 PM

I have no doubt that google will become a religion in the near future. The fact of the matter you can find more answers on google then you can find in any religious book.

NetHorse · 11-07-2009, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fatfoo

I talk through the cows.

I am a cow, stop talking through me fatass

Cyber Fucker · 11-07-2009, 08:46 PM

The human kind with all his super tech stuff like Google and Microsoft will kick the calendar soon anyway, it's not a matter if it's a matter when it will be.

I bet that the rats and mosquitoes will survive.

11-07-2009, 08:19 PM	#1
DBS.US Geo Cities Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: North Captiva Island, Florida USA Posts: 11,830	Google purchases god Google Inc. (stock symbol GOOG) announced today that it has acquired God (stock symbol GOD) for an estimated $8.2 billion. News of this acquisition has already rocked Wall Street as well as Vatican City, leaving many business analysts and religious leaders wondering what the Silicon Valley giant plans to do with the Almighty. "It's real simple: God is the ultimate search engine," says Google CEO Steve Stevenson. "Imagine searching for 'Osama bin Laden' and getting a Google Map of his exact location. Or searching for 'the meaning of life' and actually getting the answer." The amount of data that God collects is undoubtedly staggering and Google hopes to boost its entire online software suite with this newly acquired omniscience. One such boost would be given to AdSense, Google's advertising network. Instead of merely displaying relevant ads based on keywords, the new God-powered AdSense would also tweak the ads to cater to an individual's fears, dreams and sins. While shopping online, a husband might see an ad stating, "Hi Phil. Your wife Debbie knows you're diddling your receptionist. You'd better click here," which takes him to Kay Jewelers or the nearest law firm. This acquisition further escalates the competition between Google and Microsoft, who was also looking to buy out the media-shy Creator. Now in an effort to remain competitive, Microsoft is looking to buy out Satan, the Prince of Darkness (stock symbol BEZLBUB). If successful, the acquisition would also give Microsoft control over Satan's subsidiaries, such as Oprah Winfrey's Harpo Productions and Facebook. As expected, God was unavailable for comment. However sources close to the long-time deity state that He was happy to finally sell off His godliness and that He plans to retire to Aruba "to find Himself." __________________ Make a Free Chaturbate White Label site in 34 minutes and be making money tonight

11-07-2009, 08:30 PM	#3
fatfoo ICQ:649699063 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 27,763	I talk through the cows. __________________ Send me an email: [email protected]

11-07-2009, 08:30 PM	#4
fatfoo ICQ:649699063 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 27,763	Cash cows. __________________ Send me an email: [email protected]

11-07-2009, 08:33 PM	#5
okny Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: The Vault Posts: 5,761	I have no doubt that google will become a religion in the near future. The fact of the matter you can find more answers on google then you can find in any religious book. __________________ Aim: okny Icq: 306232 Skype: OlegKrasBT

11-07-2009, 08:46 PM	#7
Cyber Fucker Hmm Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: On an endless road around the world for rock and roll. Posts: 12,642	The human kind with all his super tech stuff like Google and Microsoft will kick the calendar soon anyway, it's not a matter if it's a matter when it will be. I bet that the rats and mosquitoes will survive. __________________ Last edited by Cyber Fucker; 11-07-2009 at 08:47 PM..

11-07-2009, 08:24 PM	#2
mmcfadden So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: philly Posts: 5,099	google rocks! actually google sucks... google does not now where god is because only one individual knows that... and thats me