Anyone ever do open mic night at their local comedy club? - GoFuckYourself.com

VikingMan · 02-19-2017, 06:06 PM

I was looking around for an open mic night because I have a lot of ethnic, sexist, religious, and gay material I want to try out. I know it is good but I have really horrible delivery when I get nervous and then I just end up getting angry and calling everyone either a cunt, a whore, or faggot in a Tourette's syndrome type of spazz-out and then things tend to devolve quickly from that point. I want to give myself one more chance before I give up completely.

Look at the rules at my local open mic night : "Avoid doing racist, sexist or homophobic material (especially if it is mean-spirited).

The fuq else am I supposed to write about?

So far I have self deprecating penis jokes, abortion, how kids are free-loaders, and defecation. Any other ideas?

Bladewire · 02-19-2017, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

The fuq else am I supposed to write about?

Write about your dick and write about your balls

JohnnyClips - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-19-2017, 06:09 PM

I did it once in San Fran and tore the place down!

A few "agents" wanted to sign me but I was good

escorpio · 02-19-2017, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

I was looking around for an open mic night because I have a lot of ethnic, sexist, religious, and gay material I want to try out.

Gonna have to leave Seattle and take your act on the road, I'm afraid. They'd probably love you in the midwest.

VikingMan · 02-19-2017, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bladewire

Write about your dick and write about your balls

Got that covered brother! At least 5 minutes of penis material

This is tailored to Seattle so naturally I have ugly female and beta male jokes as well

JohnnyClips - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-19-2017, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

Got that covered brother! At least 5 minutes of penis material

This is tailored to Seattle so naturally I have ugly female and beta male jokes as well

I got kicked off stage after 5 mins

Bladewire · 02-19-2017, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

Got that covered brother! At least 5 minutes of penis material

This is tailored to Seattle so naturally I have ugly female and beta male jokes as well

Great start! Maybe throw in some "first time being cucked" material? Everyone loves dominant bull sex stories from an alpha. Or "how do you feel when your girlfriend has a dog that licks your balls while you fuck her? But lately he's been licking my hole... And going deeper"

JohnnyClips - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-19-2017, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bladewire

Great start! Maybe throw in some "first time being cucked" material? Everyone loves dominant bull sex stories from an alpha. Or "how do you feel when your girlfriend has a dog that licks your balls while you fuck her? But lately he's been licking my hole... And going deeper"

Says the bixesual pervert

VikingMan · 02-19-2017, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bladewire

Great start! Maybe throw in some "first time being cucked" material? Everyone loves dominant bull sex stories from an alpha. Or "how do you feel when your girlfriend has a dog that licks your balls while you fuck her? But lately he's been licking my hole... And going deeper"

Thank you for your input I hold it in high regard as always. Now getting back to me....I once fucked some trendy dingbat who would not put her little yappy dog in the other room when we had sex. Well one day as I was just starting to cum the dog jumped up on the couch and began licking my face. It ruined my orgasm and as I was walking away in disgust my dick dripped on the floor and sure enough that little yappy dog cleaned up every drop. I was so disgusted I kicked the girl and her dog to the curb and never acknowledged her existence again. True story bro.

EddyTheDog · 02-19-2017, 06:39 PM

Straight white guys have it tough - Have some kids and tell us how bad they are - It's a formulae that never fails...

EddyTheDog · 02-19-2017, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

Thank you for your input I hold it in high regard as always. Now getting back to me....I once fucked some trendy dingbat who would not put her little yappy dog in the other room when we had sex. Well one day as I was just starting to cum the dog jumped up on the couch and began licking my face. It ruined my orgasm and as I was walking away in disgust my dick dripped on the floor and sure enough that little yappy dog cleaned up every drop. I was so disgusted I kicked the girl and her dog to the curb and never acknowledged her existence again. True story bro.

I think I know where you are going wrong - Both the comedy career and your love life...

brassmonkey · 02-19-2017, 06:57 PM

viking plus one? im down

Rochard · 02-19-2017, 07:00 PM

My brother in law does, every weekend. He even travels from time to time.

Bladewire · 02-19-2017, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

Thank you for your input I hold it in high regard as always. Now getting back to me...

Hehehe :thumbsuo

VikingMan · 02-19-2017, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brassmonkey

viking plus one? im down

If you make it to Seattle I will take you to Oprah's favorite fried chicken restaurant. They even have a framed and autographed photo of her on the wall. My treat! I think I have already offered this to you last year.

brassmonkey · 02-19-2017, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

If you make it to Seattle I will take you to Oprah's favorite fried chicken restaurant. They even have a framed and autographed photo of her on the wall. My treat! I think I have already offered this to you last year.

dayum racist i hate chicken!!

that it is dry!

hope i can get there this year! I will buy the beer! no cheap stuff. want to hit alaska this year with the wife and mom

VikingMan · 02-19-2017, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EddyTheDog

I think I know where you are going wrong - Both the comedy career and your love life...

That story was not meant to be funny. It was merely a fact-checked victim's account of an involuntary 3-way or could even be considered interspecies sexual assault as the last time I checked a person's moaning and making a fuck face does not constitute consent. Sorry Sparkey!

VikingMan · 02-19-2017, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brassmonkey

hope i can get there this year! I will buy the beer! no cheap stuff. want to hit alaska this year with the wife and mom

From the airport it is just a 15 minute drive to fried chicken Heaven.

JohnnyClips - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-19-2017, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

From the airport it is just a 15 minute drive to fried chicken Heaven.

rofl

brassmonkey · 02-19-2017, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

From the airport it is just a 15 minute drive to fried chicken Heaven.

jeez at my age hope it is not heaven

just a good meal

escorpio · 02-19-2017, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brassmonkey

dayum racist i hate chicken!!

that it is dry!

hope i can get there this year! I will buy the beer! no cheap stuff. want to hit alaska this year with the wife and mom

Trust Oprah and escorpio. Best chicken in the world.

JohnnyClips - BANNED FOR LIFE · 02-19-2017, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by escorpio

Trust Oprah and escorpio. Best chicken in the world.

Brassdonkey just jizzed in his pants!

Bladewire · 02-19-2017, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VikingMan

That story was not meant to be funny.

The bit about your cum dripping

Peter Romero · 02-20-2017, 01:14 AM

I used to do stand up comedy at the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. Mitsy Shore had a rule that you couldn't do "Bathroom Humor" without getting the blue light which means "Wrap it up!".

Pick up the newspaper and watch the news and start poking at shit. Life is the most ironic, funny, and truthful thing to make fun of. You can go to the nasty shit in an emergency or if you get the blue warning light.

brassmonkey · 02-20-2017, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bladewire

The bit about your cum dripping

are you gay?

02-19-2017, 06:06 PM	#1
VikingMan Exploiting human weakness Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: next to a salmon stream Posts: 6,505	Anyone ever do open mic night at their local comedy club? I was looking around for an open mic night because I have a lot of ethnic, sexist, religious, and gay material I want to try out. I know it is good but I have really horrible delivery when I get nervous and then I just end up getting angry and calling everyone either a cunt, a whore, or faggot in a Tourette's syndrome type of spazz-out and then things tend to devolve quickly from that point. I want to give myself one more chance before I give up completely. Look at the rules at my local open mic night : "Avoid doing racist, sexist or homophobic material (especially if it is mean-spirited). The fuq else am I supposed to write about? So far I have self deprecating penis jokes, abortion, how kids are free-loaders, and defecation. Any other ideas?

02-19-2017, 06:57 PM	#12
brassmonkey Pay It Forward Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Yo Mama House Posts: 77,146	viking plus one? im down __________________ TRUMP 2025 KEKAW!!! - The Laken Riley Act Is Law! DACA ENDED - SUPPORT AZ HCR 2060 52R - email: brassballz-at-techie.com

02-19-2017, 07:00 PM	#13
Rochard Jägermeister Test Pilot Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NORCAL Posts: 73,512	My brother in law does, every weekend. He even travels from time to time. __________________ “The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL \| THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION

02-20-2017, 01:14 AM	#24
Peter Romero Long time no happy ending Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: San Diego CA Posts: 10,578	I used to do stand up comedy at the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. Mitsy Shore had a rule that you couldn't do "Bathroom Humor" without getting the blue light which means "Wrap it up!". Pick up the newspaper and watch the news and start poking at shit. Life is the most ironic, funny, and truthful thing to make fun of. You can go to the nasty shit in an emergency or if you get the blue warning light. __________________ POVCash [email protected] See them all here: http://www.Petergirls.com

02-19-2017, 06:09 PM	#3
JohnnyClips - BANNED FOR LIFE Trump! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Rent free in Bladewire's head Posts: 6,442	I did it once in San Fran and tore the place down! A few "agents" wanted to sign me but I was good

02-19-2017, 06:39 PM	#10
EddyTheDog Just Doing My Own Thing Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: London, Spain, New Zealand, GFY - Not Croydon... Posts: 25,053	Straight white guys have it tough - Have some kids and tell us how bad they are - It's a formulae that never fails...