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almost there :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
1050! |
The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class, "You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod..."
That was pretty much the end of learning for that day. |
almost 2000 posts for me :)
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... How do you count number of posts???
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In some foreign country a Athens State Priest, a University of Alabama Lawyer and an Auburn Engineer are about to be guillotined. The Priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go.
The Lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade. He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he too, is set free. They grab the Auburn Engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem..." |
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Now Playing: "Illusion, Coma, Pimp and Circumstance" - Prince
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Now Playing: "Musicology" - Prince
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Prince is so awesome.
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Why are rectal thermometers banned at Auburn University?
They cause too much brain damage. How do you break an Auburn guy's finger? Punch him in the nose. Why did the Auburn student marry the cow? He had to. How can you tell when there's been an Auburn student in your backyard? The garbage is gone and your dog's pregnant. What is the definition of safe sex down at Auburn? Placing a sign on the animals that kick... How do you castrate an Auburn football player? You hit his sister in the jaw. How do you compliment an Auburn fan? Nice tooth. How can you tell your getting close to Auburn? If you stop to take a piss the cows will back up to the fence. What is the definition of an Auburn virgin? An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers |
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An American College Graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.
A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked. "What do you think I've been doing," the grad said, "Shoving them up my ass?" |
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what a nice joke
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You guys/gurls telling stories? :)
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hi
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TEXAS WISDOM
1. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. 2. Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. 4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. 6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 7. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. 9. Don't squat with your spurs on. 10. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 11. Always drink upstream from the herd. 12. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot. |
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM IDAHO WHEN...
- The wind is faster than your truck. - Every other vehicle is a 4x4. - When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat. - In March, your vehicle is 43% mud. - You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it's still there. - You installed your new computer using a Leatherman tool. - You hear the words "stream" or "brook" pronounced "crick." - The elevation exceeds the population. - You've broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you. - You can see the stars at night. - People drive 200 miles to shop in a real mall. - Your great grandmother is older than the courthouse. - You got a set of snow tires for Valentines Day. - The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house. - Your back yard smells like sagebrush or various animals. - A girls' basketball game fills the gym. - You slept through the night unawakened by a siren. - A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert. - You can fish, golf, and go skiing all in the same day if you try hard enough. - Yellow light means "follow the car in front of you no matter what." - Democrats are like salmon, they are on the endangered species list. - You wave to someone on the freeway because you recognize the truck. - You talk about a combine and people don't wonder what you are putting together. - In the spring, every tenth car you pass is a tractor. - When the car in front of you is weaving you suspect a farmer instead of a drunk. - Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicle's "jocky box." - You can choose plastic bags or paper sacks for your groceries. - You have to wait for a flock of sheep to pass you on the road. - You know why people pay money to watch "pig wrestling." |
*does bad white girl dance to Prince*
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yabadabadou !
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coolone got a lot of time to loose
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN SAN FRANCISCO WHEN...
- Your co-worker tells you she/he has 8 body piercings but none are visible. - You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house. - You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. - You can't remember ... is pot illegal? - You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. - You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian. - A really great parking space can move you to tears. - You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits. - Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female. - A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotch less chaps. You don't notice. - A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice. - You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist. - You keep a list of companies to boycott. - Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag. |
BALLOONING
An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland." "How can you tell?" asked the American. "I can feel the cold air," he replied. A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland," he said. "How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert." Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York." The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?!" they exclaimed. The American pulled his hand up and said, "My watch is missing." |
Yoo
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Due
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Two8 mafia :)
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D$
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A milk cow died and the farmer was looking for another. His farm was on the western border of Illinois and he found a cow for sale over in Iowa. He drives over and buys the cow.
Next morning he goes out to milk the cow but every time he reaches down and takes hold of the tits to milk her, the cow lets a big fart. After a number of times that this happens he gets the neighbor over and asks him to milk the cow. Sure enough the cow farts every time he touches her tits. The neighbor stands up and says, "This cow is from Iowa isn't it?" The owner of the cow asks how he knows that? The neighbor says, "My wife is from Iowa." |
Well I'm gonna take a shower and go get milk. See yall in awhile!:glugglug
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hi :glugglug
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:glugglug |
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puff puff pass!
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ENGLISH 101
No wonder the English language is so hard to learn.... Some examples: We polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. A farm can produce produce. The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. The present is a good time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. The dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. The insurance for the invalid was invalid. The bandage was wound around the wound. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number. I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt. |
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This wouldn't be so funny were it not true. |
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Yellow-Blue
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IDENTIFYING WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM
* One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago * One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York * One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston * One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: L.A. * Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. * Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy * One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle * One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas city male * One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male * One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female * Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia * Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida |
badump
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TOP TEN REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA CANADA
1. Weed! 2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. 3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder. 4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar. 5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown. 6. A university with a nude beach. 7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations. 8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash. 9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on. 10. Cannabis. |
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