Success

At age 4 success is... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is... having friends.
At age 17 success is... having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is... having sex.
At age 35 success is... having money.
At age 50 success is... having money.
At age 60 success is... having sex.
At age 70 success is... having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is... having friends.
At age 80 success is... not peeing in your pants

Its along way to 5000 posts :winkwink:

If you love something, set it free...
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money,
and doesn't appear to realise that you have set it free.....

You either married it or gave birth to it!

bump mofo's :Graucho

how many posts we got up now?

The Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility,
To forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I like,
And the eyesight to tell the difference

Wacky Wisdoms

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

coolone, how are you today>

... I want to be at least 2500th ... It isn't for money but nice:-)

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

:helpme :helpme

1:57 am on Thursday 26th August 2004

:1orglaugh

Doin ok

My daughter is driving me crazy, I can't get any work done
cause she is always right here asking me for something.
So I am here posting, boring but I may win

So how are you doing? Life treating you good I hope.

Insurance Claim Excuses

I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.

2k5?:-)

I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.

This Norwich Union Customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo

I was going along at 70 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my goolies so I lost control

... I hope so:-)

The car in front hit a pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car

In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telegraph pole

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle

An invisible car came out of no where, struck my car and vanished

I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

... I have never win in my life:-(

2:01 am on Thursday 26th August 2004

post

... but now... :-)

:thumbsup

2:03 am on Thursday 26th August 2004
how can i turn my 1k daily tgp into 10k tgp? the url is:
http://www.phatslinks.com

Mother Superior gathers her 100 nuns in a meeting room. In her hand she's carrying a paper bag. She pulls a man's pair of pants from the bag and says, "We found these in the hall last night."

99 of the nuns gasp,"Ahhhh!" 1 nun giggles "Heeheehee!" Mother Superior reaches in the bag again and pulls out a pair of men's underpants. "We also found these in the hall last night."

99 of the nuns gasp "Ahhhh!" 1 nun giggles "Heeheehee!" Mother superior reaches in the bag one last time and pulls out a condom and says, "But worst of all, we found this in the hall last night."

99 nuns gasp, "Ahhhh!" 1 nun giggles "Heeheehee!" Then Mother Superior says, "But it had a hole in it."

99 nuns giggle "Heeheehee!" and 1 nun gasps "Ahhhh!"

... who is 2500th? Posts or replies are counted?

Well now we are now on our way to the next winner at 3000

lol there's no winning 2500th post, only 2000th and 3000th :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

and hopefully i get the 3000th post:winkwink:


btw its 2:07am;)

493 post to 3000

:glugglug

:)

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. He awoke to see a nun beside his bed who questioned him about how he was going to pay for his hospital bill. The nun as asked if he had health insurance. He managed to shake his head and reply in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

Then the nun asked if he had money in the bank saved for an emergency. He grimaced and answered, "No money in the bank." The nun then asked, "Well, do you have a relative who could help you?" He gathered a little strength to reply, "My only relative is a spinster sister who is a nun."

The nun became visibly perturbed and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

"OK", the patient replied, "then you should send the bill to my brother-in-law."

I know it... it is only prestige:-)

:(

its the posts that are counted not the replys in this contest.
and the prizes left are at 3000, 4000, 4500, 5000
and they will be all mine. :Graucho

We're over the halfway mark to the contest ending.....good job guys :thumbsup

There were two nuns...




One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to assault us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened..... I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants........



SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's!

:BangBang: