Bump :zzwhip

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

What do you call the moisture between two people having sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity

Bump :tongue:

Bump :Oh crap

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"

"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"

"I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

Bump :sleep

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks, ''Where did you get that?''

The pig says, ''I won her in a raffle!''

Bump :smokin

Re: DNA Test Results: Clinton, William Jefferson

Dear Mr. Starr:

The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.

Apologies,

The FBI

Bump :Graucho

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ''Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!''

''Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the redneck yelled back.

The buckeye replied, ''Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''

Bump :eek2

Bump :glugglug

You know you're a redneck when the biggest city you've been to is Wal-Mart.

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

Bump :thumbsup

You might be a redneck if you mow your grass and find three cars.

You might be a redneck if you think the first four words of the national anthem are, ''Gentlemen start your engines''.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Q: What is a double-wide salad?

A: It's for people who can't afford a house salad.


:1orglaugh

Bump :ticking

Bump :hi

You know you're a redneck if you have sex ed and drivers ed in the same car.

Bump :warning

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby.

They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"

Bump :winkwink:

How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?

Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars

Bump :tongue:

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he was having no luck at all. Then he heard a voice, ''If you build it they will come.'' He thought nothing of it at first but then he heard it again, ''If you build it they will come.'' So the farmer thought and thought, prayed and prayed, until finally, he knew what to do. A few months later he completed construction of his new strip club!

Bump :xomunch

What did the redneck do with his his first 50 cent piece?

He married her!


ouch :1orglaugh

Bump :repuke

Bump :Grrrrrr

Bump :Note

Bump :ugone2far

Bump :2 cents:

Bump :cool-as-a

Bump :ak47:

Bump :smokin

Bump :thumbsup