The division of property, sans relationship.

[jmcb420]

I could use some advice. I've been through a divorce, so I know how things work when a court is involved, but I'm currently involved in a situation that I know won't likely end up in court.

After living together for two years, my girlfriend and I made an amicable split so that she could relocate from Ohio to Florida and she could be closer to her aging father. As my parents are also getting up in years, I chose to remain here to stay close to them.

We divided about 90% of everything. The only thing I really cared about was our cat... but I let her take him because I didn't want to turn an amicable separation into a mess.

Of the rest, she left a lot of things behind. Some shit no one needs, some can be replaced, some I would think is rather important.

4 notable objects she left behind that are unquestionably hers are: An Ovation acoustic, A Washburn bass, a Celestion telescope worth more than most other objects in the house, and a Salior Moon wand. The wand is special because it's mint, still in box, first edition and all that other shit people care about. Aside from that, she had owned it for years and I was shocked when I discovered she allowed it to remain here.

On the way out the door I asked her what I'm supposed to do with what she left. I know it wasn't an easy moment for her, the experience was shitty for both of us, so I've allowed myself to disregard her answer which was "Use it, sell it, I don't know."

I'll make it clear, I've no interest in the shit beyond her getting it back, never did.

Last night she called and we talked for about an hour. She brought up all the shit, and I told her I would be mailing the wand to her this week, if she would like. It's small, it'll cost all of five dollars to send.

She comes back with: Can you just mail me everything or do you think it would be cheaper to rent a moving truck and just bring it all to me?

As in: I left all that important shit up there for you to deal with and now I'm going to be a twat and assume you'll drop your life to bring me that shit. Oh.. and on your dime.

wtf? She went from not giving a fuck to assuming I gave a HUGE fuck... which I hate to say, I don't. Amicable or not, our relationships end exposed me to the fact that at heart she is a very callous and almost heartless individual. Selfish. Very selfish.

I'm at a loss here. If she had offered to send me cash to cover shipping or cover my time and the truck, I'd be happy to send it all or bring it all. The assumption that objects she cared enough for to leave behind should now be my priority to see returned to her really pisses me off. Like I said, I don't fucking care about the shit, but I feel like a line that shouldn't have been crossed has been crossed, big time.

I don't want to fight about this shit with her. We had an amazing relationship and even though enough time has passed that I've begun to move on, I still love her and the situation itself still hurts my heart to really think about. But her shit is not my responsibility... and I don't want to be the bad guy.

?

[dyna mo]

it's her way of trying to get you to move out there.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

it's her way of trying to get you to move out there.

I kind of agree, but I don't see why she wouldn't just ask me. I'm not sure I would move there, but I'd give it a lot more consideration today than I did the day we sat and decided that her going there and myself staying here was the best idea for the both of us.

I fucked up there. I should have been supportive and gone with her.

But now this.. lol. This is the wrong way to exploit the love someone has for you.

[sandman!]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

it's her way of trying to get you to move out there.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

I kind of agree, but I don't see why she wouldn't just ask me. I'm not sure I would move there, but I'd give it a lot more consideration today than I did the day we sat and decided that her going there and myself staying here was the best idea for the both of us.

I fucked up there. I should have been supportive and gone with her.

But now this.. lol. This is the wrong way to exploit the love someone has for you.

i wouldn't call it exploiting. i also wouldnot let her know you know what she's doing.

[Mr Pheer]

She left it there and moved. It's abandoned.

If she wants it back, she better be there before trash day.

[VikingMan]

Even if you do get these items to her she will always think up new things she wants back such as books or pictures she also left behind. Females

She wants to know that you still want her

[_Richard_]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

I kind of agree, but I don't see why she wouldn't just ask me. I'm not sure I would move there, but I'd give it a lot more consideration today than I did the day we sat and decided that her going there and myself staying here was the best idea for the both of us.

I fucked up there. I should have been supportive and gone with her.

But now this.. lol. This is the wrong way to exploit the love someone has for you.

pack the truck

drive your ass to florida

know, rather than spend the rest of your life wondering

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

i wouldn't call it exploiting. i also wouldnot let her know you know what she's doing.

Hell no. I learned that trick with my wife. Unlike my wife, this girl is highly intelligent. If I were to tell her that I even thought she was up to something, she would see it as an insult.

Originally Posted by Mr Pheer

She left it there and moved. It's abandoned.

If she wants it back, she better be there before trash day.

Oh boy...
That's how I did with the wife. Notified the court, notified the cops, notified her lawyer, and threw that shit right out the door. She was however, the very definition of 'worthless cunt.'

This situation is very different. The property has actual monetary value, and the relationship has value that exceeds money...

I should have just gone with her.

[JockoHomo]

Frankly she sounds like a manipulative bitch.

Give her a set time frame to arrange to shipping of the articles back to her.
Tell her that after that you will be putting them up for sale on Craigslist and using the funds generated from the sale of said items for a hooker.

[Rochard]

Tell your your ex-girlfriend that she is in fact your ex-girlfriend... And that she can kindly go fuck herself.

Once she leaves, what she left behind... Is yours.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by JockoHomo

Frankly she sounds like a manipulative bitch.

I do not disagree with this statement at all.

I believe she and I both share in that... we took turns openly manipulating one another for years. lol.

And factually, I don't mind the latest attempt. It's nice to know that in one way or another we still have the ability to exert some form of power over each other.

I don't mind the game, but I mind the way it's being played... And to just fall in and allow her to win at this point puts me on a level that very well may remove my own power of manipulation over her... Not the situation I want to be in, and the chance to have kept her happy as well as retaining my own manipulative power (and self respect) has come and gone.

This totally fucking sucks.

[dyna mo]

it's called the game of love for a reason.

it's not as if love is some sort of rationale experience based on truth and reality

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

I do not disagree with this statement at all.

I believe she and I both share in that... we took turns openly manipulating one another for years. lol.

And factually, I don't mind the latest attempt. It's nice to know that in one way or another we still have the ability to exert some form of power over each other.

I don't mind the game, but I mind the way it's being played... And to just fall in and allow her to win at this point puts me on a level that very well may remove my own power of manipulation over her... Not the situation I want to be in, and the chance to have kept her happy as well as retaining my own manipulative power (and self respect) has come and gone.

This totally fucking sucks.

this is a lot different infos from your op.

[VikingMan]

Bottom line: If your GF/ex is pushing 30 then move on. They go nuts at that age.

[MakingItPay]

When you are in a relationship, you become a little domesticated. You are no longer in a relationship, it is time to go back to being a man. You make the rules for your life. If you feel like sending it back, send it. If not, say Look, I don't have time to mess with this stuff right now. You should have taken it before you left. Here is a little rule of thumb to remember: You are nothing to her, unless you are everything to her. You aren't anymore, so now she just wants her stuff, now that she realizes it will probably be the last thing she extracts from you.

[L-Pink]

Tell her your new girlfriend want's the old shit gone in 30 days.

[sarettah]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

Tell her your new girlfriend want's the old shit gone in 30 days.

Or tell her your new boyfriend wants it gone.

.

[ErectMedia]

I know a couple where the guy wanted to move to New York for business and she wanted to stay In Chicago for family so they divorced.

Sounds like she told ya keep the stuff or sell it so think if she wants her shit she can pay the bill and be happy ya didn't already sell it. If it ended bad I'd sell the shit, if it ended good I'd keep the stuff around for her but I wouldn't pay to ship it to her.

As far as getting back with her if that was the plan then you guys should have moved in between Ohio & Florida so you'd both be equal distance to your family. Why follow her down there and have her family trump yours.

[VikingMan]

The real issue that nobody has bothered to address is that the OP should have used the word "post" in his thread title instead of "sans". Not really the propper use of the word IMO.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

Tell her your new girlfriend want's the old shit gone in 30 days.

That's a brilliant idea, but she knows me well enough to know I don't listen or give in to demands like that.

I figure the best thing I can really do is tell her that I'm keeping everything here and keeping it safe, and if there's anything here that she needs down the road, it'll be here when the times comes that SHE can take the appropriate steps to secure it.

That way she knows that the door is open, and that's far more than I've ever offered anyone whom I've parted ways with.

I do like the idea of packing this place up and moving there, but if I do that I may as well just change my name to doormat and allow her to keep my balls in a jar. Not happening in this lifetime.

She and I are two of the most stubborn assholes on the planet, way too much pride between us for our own good. It sucks that instead of actually discussing the things that really matter, we beat around the bush and choose to discuss the shit that doesn't matter to either of us at all...

It'll work itself out. Or if she really wants this shit, it better work out real soon. I'm a fucking guy... I'm on the lookout for the rebound in spite of my own feelings, and I already know who she is. The morning after, all the feelings I have right now will be subject to a new dynamic of thought, and I can guarantee I won't give any fucks about making princess in Florida happy.

Must say, I appreciate having the opportunity to vent a bit here. I've actually been able to work through some of my own conflicts about this whole thing.

Very cathartic, I have to say.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by VikingMan

The real issue that nobody has bothered to address is that the OP should have used the word "post" in his thread title instead of "sans". Not really the propper use of the word IMO.

lol. Yeah.

[Rochard]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

Tell her your new girlfriend want's the old shit gone in 30 days.

Exactly. Grow some fucking balls and cut the cord already.

When I was dating, if a chick didn't give me everything I wanted instantly, they got kicked to the curb pretty quickly. I'm not saying I wanted to be served a home cooked meal every night; I'm willing to help out in the kitchen and I'll even do the dishes. But if I wanted "x" and a chick couldn't deliver, they got replaced. I always had my next girlfriend "waiting" in line. In fact, my wife was just that - the next one in line. I sort of started dating my wife before I kicked the other girlfriend to the curb.

[dillonaire]

Where are you located in Ohio?

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by gamelinkjeff

Where are you located in Ohio?

Cleveland area.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by Rochard

Exactly. Grow some fucking balls and cut the cord already.

When I was dating, if a chick didn't give me everything I wanted instantly, they got kicked to the curb pretty quickly. I'm not saying I wanted to be served a home cooked meal every night; I'm willing to help out in the kitchen and I'll even do the dishes. But if I wanted "x" and a chick couldn't deliver, they got replaced. I always had my next girlfriend "waiting" in line. In fact, my wife was just that - the next one in line. I sort of started dating my wife before I kicked the other girlfriend to the curb.

Trust me, when the time comes I won't have to be dragged kicking and screaming into bed with another woman... I'll go there happily and for the betterment of myself and all mankind.

I just hate to see this being pissed away because we aren't discussing the real issue. She and I gave one another everything. Only when it came to location, we couldn't agree. That's all. Otherwise, she was, and will remain, very close to my heart. I just know that time will replace what she and I had with something else, and I admit that I'm upset by that. I wanted a lot more.

Bummer. Live and learn. Rough period, here's a tampon, and life goes on regardless of how much you enjoy it...

I know what you're saying.

[fitzmulti]

"Use it, SELL IT, I don't know..."

Ship her the wand and say you have the rest sold to someone unless she send you the $.
The Celestron telescope would be a BITCH to send, unless it is a smaller one...but, that's not your issue, as you stated she left it there with those words as a response...

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by fitzmulti

"Use it, SELL IT, I don't know..."

Ship her the wand and say you have the rest sold to someone unless she send you the $.
The Celestron telescope would be a BITCH to send, unless it is a smaller one...but, that's not your issue, as you stated she left it there with those words as a response...

The telescope is fucking beautiful, and it's far from small. It's a beast. The shipping on it would be insane.

We both share a major love of the stars... we have (had) a room here that's nothing but star charts and telescopes standing about. The fact that it's still here is... I don't even have a word for what it is...

On the bright side, come the day I no longer give a fuck, I've got a scope that I can use, sell, give to the right child in the hopes that they become the next Galileo or Hubble, etc.

The wand will be in the mail by Friday... The rest I really don't give a fuck about.

[Seth Manson]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

The wand will be in the mail by Friday... The rest I really don't give a fuck about.

Send her a dildo instead of the wand, and tell her to go fuck herself

[Seth Manson]

Who the fuck uses a wand anyway? Bitch ride a broom as well?

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by Seth Manson

Who the fuck uses a wand anyway? Bitch ride a broom as well?

[VikingMan]

If you want to make sure you never hear from her again just email her this thread.

[fitzmulti]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

The telescope is fucking beautiful, and it's far from small. It's a beast. The shipping on it would be insane.

We both share a major love of the stars... we have (had) a room here that's nothing but star charts and telescopes standing about. The fact that it's still here is... I don't even have a word for what it is...

On the bright side, come the day I no longer give a fuck, I've got a scope that I can use, sell, give to the right child in the hopes that they become the next Galileo or Hubble, etc.

The wand will be in the mail by Friday... The rest I really don't give a fuck about.

I figured it was...I actually was headed towards the path, long LONG ago, to work as an astronomer for the Miami Planetarium, and other places.
VERY familiar w/ high end Celestrons...
I'd save you the shipping, if I lived close enough to come pick it up! ;-)
As little as it rains here in Vegas, I'd love to have one now!

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by fitzmulti

I figured it was...I actually was headed towards the path, long LONG ago, to work as an astronomer for the Miami Planetarium, and other places.
VERY familiar w/ high end Celestrons...
I'd save you the shipping, if I lived close enough to come pick it up! ;-)
As little as it rains here in Vegas, I'd love to have one now!

I'd love to be out that way right now, too many clouds here.

She and I actually took a road trip last summer to New Mexico and stayed out in the desert near a town called Salinas for a week. We had a blast, took all the scopes with us. We also did a bit of traveling to insure a chance to view the Venus Transit, which we did, and it was every bit as beautiful as you might imagine. (pic below)

We were both mildly devastated when ISON didn't survive its brush with the sun. That was our next planned road trip.

Another time, I suppose.

[Elli]

And she can't fly up/drive up to get her own stuff because?

[fitzmulti]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

I'd love to be out that way right now, too many clouds here.

She and I actually took a road trip last summer to New Mexico and stayed out in the desert near a town called Salinas for a week. We had a blast, took all the scopes with us. We also did a bit of traveling to insure a chance to view the Venus Transit, which we did, and it was every bit as beautiful as you might imagine. (pic below)

We were both mildly devastated when ISON didn't survive its brush with the sun. That was our next planned road trip.

Another time, I suppose.

Ya...I was bummed by the ISON "death" as well. That damned sun!
Comet Kohoutek was "out and about" when I was a kid and it was great study.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comet_Kohoutek

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by Elli

And she can't fly up/drive up to get her own stuff because?

She can't, because we're playing a game.

If she does that, she's lost the game.

If I do, I lose.

If we both just say fuck it, we both lose, but can call it 'breaking even' because we both get to be close to home.

Currently, we are both losing while pretending we are winning.

One of us is going to have to manufacture some bullshit to save face, but neither of us are going to.

I refuse to admit that I fucked up by not going with her, she will refuse to admit she fucked up by leaving.

So long as no one admits wrong, we're both winners because we can blame each other.

I miss my friend. I want to move on. I would love if we both could, together. I don't think it will happen. It sucks.

I just want someone to look at the stars with and share the moments with. I dread dealing with the outside world and all the shit in it. She's the same.

We're both going to end up very sorry for the way we let this happen. At the very least, I know I'm going to. I had the chance to prevent all of this. I did not.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by fitzmulti

Ya...I was bummed by the ISON "death" as well. That damned sun!
Comet Kohoutek was "out and about" when I was a kid and it was great study.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comet_Kohoutek

Hale Bopp was the one that got me. My brother and I were in Iowa, out in the middle of nothing and I remember looking out the window and being so amazed at the beauty.

Truly timeless. First time I ever realized I was standing on a rock flying through the depths of something I knew I would never even grasp.

[dillonaire]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

Cleveland area.

Im from Youngstown. The best thing I ever did with my life was get the fuck out of Ohio. I miss my family, but nothing good would of come with me staying there. I suggest you run now.

The rest is history.

[Zuzana Designs]

Originally Posted by gamelinkjeff

Im from Youngstown. The best thing I ever did with my life was get the fuck out of Ohio. I miss my family, but nothing good would of come with me staying there. I suggest you run now.

The rest is history.

You and Lebron made good choices Get out of Cleveland ASAP OP!!!

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by gamelinkjeff

Im from Youngstown. The best thing I ever did with my life was get the fuck out of Ohio. I miss my family, but nothing good would of come with me staying there. I suggest you run now.

The rest is history.

Small world. I was born in Youngstown.
It's a shithole.

The only thing that keeps me in this area is my family. On the real, the suggestion that I run is not one that is new, nor one I haven't mulled over countless times while laying awake at night.

My family is very important to me.

Mom and dad are getting old. I almost piss myself when I imagine dad shoveling snow by himself.. I'm not involved in any of the dumbshit here, don't want to be.

Rock and a hard place... and you'll find me in between.

Glad to meet you, Jeff.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by Zuzana Designs

You and Lebron made good choices Get out of Cleveland ASAP OP!!!

Hey, Zuzana.

I do thank you for that, but I have to take a moment to congratulate you. You were hot shit when I left, and I'm happy to see that you remain the hottest shit on the block now that I've returned.

Great job. Keep on keeping on.

[Barry-xlovecam]

There is something called "common law marriage". Talk to a lawyer in your state ...

[lagcam]

Originally Posted by Barry-xlovecam

There is something called "common law marriage". Talk to a lawyer in your state ...

That is the very last thing he needs to do.

They got this far without lawyers, they don't need them now.

It is up to him to know what he should do.

If he misses the girl and has love left or interest in seeing if a relationship compromise can be reached somehow he gets a truck and drives it over there for her. Often when one party (normally the woman) walks out the door they deliberately leave something unresolved or to go back for as a hook to re-opening whatever was the issue when the other party doesn't follow the script and chase after them.

If on the other hand, he doesn't care about getting back with her somehow, then he should get a cost estimate for shipping the stuff and either send it or tell her how much it will be depending on whatever he believes is the right thing to do based on everything that he knows that we don't about each party's circumstances and their relationship.

though I believe worth at least

[Seth Manson]

Life doesnt have to be this complicated. Fuck her shit, craigslist it and tell her to get fucked.

She'll be pissed for a short while but she'll gain respect for you. Then tell her to fuck off again.

[baddog]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

it's her way of trying to get you to move out there.

I did not even read the entire post and came to that conclusion . . . if his facts are accurate.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by baddog

I did not even read the entire post and came to that conclusion . . . if his facts are accurate.

My facts are, Baddog.
I'm being 100% real, 100% truthful.
I let the best part of my life walk away.

She left me with this shit.

I'm busy worrying about it. I shouldn't.

This shit is worthless.

Everyone knows it.

I know it.

She knows it too, and that's why it's here.

I'm working very hard to deny that I fucked myself out of perfection.

I fucked myself, and I fucked her.

My responsibility was to protect her under any circumstance, and to assure that no matter what came of tomorrow, I was going to handle it.

I can see it clearer than I care to admit.

I failed.

This is all my fault.

None of this shit matters.

[L-Pink]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

After living together for two years, my girlfriend and I made an amicable split so that she could relocate from Ohio to Florida and she could be closer to her aging father. As my parents are also getting up in years, I chose to remain here to stay close to them.

I have a good friend that's going thru something very similar right now. Where is it written that the male in a relationship should ignore his own family at the expense of making sure his wife's family is happy? Why does a woman's family have priority for every holiday or special occasion?

Why didn't your girlfriend stay in Ohio where your parents are? Why didn't she move her mother up to Ohio? Your girlfriend put you into a situation where you aren't supposed to care for your parents but she can for hers?

Let her go. Don't look back.


.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by L-Pink

I have a good friend that's going thru something very similar right now. Where is it written that the male in a relationship should ignore his own family at the expense of making sure his wife's family is happy? Why does a woman's family have priority for every holiday or special occasion?

Why didn't your girlfriend stay in Ohio where your parents are? Why didn't she move her mother up to Ohio? Your girlfriend put you into a situation where you aren't supposed to care for your parents but she can for hers?

Let her go. Don't look back.


.

I love her. Genuinely, I would walk in front of bullets for her.
Even when she makes a decision that I disagree with... still love her, that's all that matters.
We shared two beautiful years together. At the end of it all, I can look back on two beautiful years, and I wouldn't want to look back on anything other than those years and what we shared. I'm grateful.
Every single thing left here that can be attributed to her will hit the mail this week, and with all my love.
Not because I'm a bitch or have no balls, but because that's just what the situation deserves.
She made me better than I ever was, and I owe her that much.
I wish her and her family all the best, and I'm always going to have a soft spot in my heart for her.
But now, I have to move on. For me.
Moving on, not looking back. If I do, it'll be with fondness.

The sun will shine again soon.

[baddog]

How old are you?

Serious question and yeah it could matter.