YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN SAN FRANCISCO WHEN...



- Your co-worker tells you she/he has 8 body piercings but none are visible.

- You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.

- You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

- You can't remember ... is pot illegal?

- You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

- You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

- A really great parking space can move you to tears.

- You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.

- Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.

- A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotch less chaps. You don't notice.

- A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice.

- You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.

- You keep a list of companies to boycott.

- Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

BALLOONING



An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds.

"Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

"How can you tell?" asked the American.

"I can feel the cold air," he replied.

A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland," he said.

"How do you know that?" asked the Russian.

"I can feel the heat of the desert."

Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York."

The Russian and the African were amazed.

"How do you know all of that?!" they exclaimed.

The American pulled his hand up and said, "My watch is missing."

Yoo

They are over the south if he pulls up a shot beer can.

Due

Two8 mafia :)

D$

A milk cow died and the farmer was looking for another. His farm was on the western border of Illinois and he found a cow for sale over in Iowa. He drives over and buys the cow.

Next morning he goes out to milk the cow but every time he reaches down and takes hold of the tits to milk her, the cow lets a big fart. After a number of times that this happens he gets the neighbor over and asks him to milk the cow. Sure enough the cow farts every time he touches her tits.

The neighbor stands up and says, "This cow is from Iowa isn't it?"

The owner of the cow asks how he knows that?

The neighbor says, "My wife is from Iowa."

Well I'm gonna take a shower and go get milk. See yall in awhile!:glugglug

hi :glugglug

6.5/10
:glugglug

grab me a snickers bar while your out. Thanks :)

puff puff pass!

ENGLISH 101



No wonder the English language is so hard to learn.... Some examples:



We polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.

I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

This wouldn't be so funny were it not true.

Hey, sensuous up, wanna bring me some milk too? I"m feeling lazy today.

Yellow-Blue

IDENTIFYING WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM



* One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago

* One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York

* One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

* One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: L.A.

* Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

* Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy

* One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle

* One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas city male

* One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male

* One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female

* Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia

* Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida

badump

TOP TEN REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA CANADA



1. Weed!

2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.

3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder.

4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar.

5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown.

6. A university with a nude beach.

7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.

8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash.

9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.

10. Cannabis.

I should shower too! :)

and one

A TEXAS BABY



A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds. Wow and congratulations was the reply from all in the bar.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "10 pounds."

The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"

An American tourist was walking along a London street on a windy day, when he noticed a beautiful woman walking towards him.

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew the woman's dress up, to reveal that she was wearing no knickers.

The American, trying to sound as English as possible, said to the woman: "It's a bit airy, isn't it, love?"

The woman scowled and replied angrily: "What the heck did you expect, feathers?"

Contest going up slowly

itll get there

So fresh and so clean clean!

.. hmmm... I need money quickly:-)

how many days is this now

bump for slowness

Less than one day

This will be @ 1500 within a few hrs I think.

Looks like we're on our way

closer,

Yay!

and closer

CIGARETTE WARNINGS



Recent Canadian government research has shown that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it actually causes shrinkage of the male sexual "equipment."

Wow! If that is true, we need to get the word out ASAP! Maybe the warning on the cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this new information. How about something like this:

* Warning!: These cigarettes are king size -- how about you?

* Warning!: Smoking sections in restaurants aren't the only things getting smaller.

* Warning!: If you don't reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you.

* Warning!: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon.

* Warning!: Smoke rises, but you may not.

* Warning!: Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children -- That is... if you're capable of conceiving any.

* Warning!: Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff -- so do you.

* Warning!: How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards, if there's no before?

* Warning!: The only thing left after a smoke is a dead stub.

* Warning!: Don't throw lit cigarettes in the urinal -- you might not have the range to put them out.

just a couple hundred more to go

If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long.

I think I want u