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Old 11-29-2004, 04:13 AM   #27601
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Glen Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8... and home by 11.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:13 AM   #27602
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[Peter starts laughing uncontrollably]
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:14 AM   #27603
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Peter Griffin: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:14 AM   #27604
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Peter Griffin: Rea... Really?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:14 AM   #27605
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Glen Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:15 AM   #27606
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Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:15 AM   #27607
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Meg: What?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:15 AM   #27608
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Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys. Where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:16 AM   #27609
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Lois Griffin: Now Chris, these are called "plantains". In fact, some women prefer them to normal size bananas because they're exotic and flavorful, and very very special.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:16 AM   #27610
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Peter Griffin: Dad, now that you're retired, you're staying with us. No arguments, I'm putting my foot down.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:16 AM   #27611
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Peter Griffin: I had to. My old one had a crack in it.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:17 AM   #27612
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Chris Griffin: You should invent the frisbee! The frisbee is an awesome toy!
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:17 AM   #27613
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Peter Griffin: They look at me and see a loser. Except that guy with the lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:18 AM   #27614
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Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:18 AM   #27615
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Peter Griffin: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:18 AM   #27616
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[Flashback to Peter sitting at a drive-in, facing the wrong way]
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:19 AM   #27617
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Announcer: [For Homicide: Life on Sesame Street] This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:19 AM   #27618
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Coffin Salesman: Sir that casket costs $1000.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:20 AM   #27619
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Peter Griffin: Not as painful as a tire iron upside your head.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:20 AM   #27620
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[looks at agent's name tag]
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:20 AM   #27621
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Stewie Griffin: What the hell is this?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:21 AM   #27622
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Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:21 AM   #27623
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Peter Griffin: What the hell was that?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:21 AM   #27624
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Dustin Hoffman: [as Ben Braddock] Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Tucker?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:22 AM   #27625
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Tom Bergeron: Ok, Jeremy... is there anything lower than absolute zero?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:22 AM   #27626
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Stewie: No, you idiot. That's not baby powder, that's paprika. Ahhhhhh. Take that.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:23 AM   #27627
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Pool Boy: Oh, my apologies. Hey, Tom. He's not a van, he's just a fat kid.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:23 AM   #27628
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Stewie Griffin: I'll wait until you're finished. Are you done? Because I thought this show was called "Kids Say the Darndest Things, " not "Old Black Comedians Who Never Shut The Hell Up."
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:23 AM   #27629
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Lois Griffin: Peter, where's Chris?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:24 AM   #27630
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Peter Griffin: Holy crap, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:24 AM   #27631
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Stewie Griffin: Really? I could have sworn it was cat food.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:24 AM   #27632
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Chris Griffin: Oh yeah? Well you're hogging all the UGLY!
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:25 AM   #27633
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Stewie Griffin: Do these huggies make my ass look big?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:25 AM   #27634
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Englishman #1: I say, you know what's really funny? A man dressed in women's clothing.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:25 AM   #27635
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Peter Griffin: Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:26 AM   #27636
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Elroy: But...
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:26 AM   #27637
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[the Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on]
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:27 AM   #27638
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[wiggles his tongue like a snake]
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:27 AM   #27639
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Lois Griffin: Stewie that's tuna salad.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:27 AM   #27640
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Peter Griffin: Oh, Boy! I remember my first job. I was in a folk music trio.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:28 AM   #27641
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Brian: Why don't you shut up for about a week?
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:28 AM   #27642
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Peter Griffin: OK, you can supersize but no apple pie.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:28 AM   #27643
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[walks into an outhouse]
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:29 AM   #27644
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Francis Griffin: I don't want to be a bother.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:29 AM   #27645
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Glen Quagmire: Just checkin'.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:30 AM   #27646
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Peter Griffin: ... tear...
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:30 AM   #27647
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Chris Griffin: I... I don't have any hams.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:30 AM   #27648
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Quagmire: Eighteen? You're first.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:31 AM   #27649
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German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:31 AM   #27650
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Peter Griffin: This party couldn't be better if Jesus was here.
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