I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran or hot rice cereal.

I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

I'm not afraid of dying, but I don't want to be there when it happens.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Hi :glugglug

You are sexy :Graucho

OMG *blush*

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

:Graucho

*blush*blush* shakes head :Graucho

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

:glugglug

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Change is inevitable. Progress is harder to come by.

:glugglug

Viral marketing doesn't work - pass it on!

What's the point in having communication lines if they can't break down?

Problems that disappear on their own usually come back on their own

Remember when you put others in the dock that you will be there yourself one day

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe

didn't knew you can post quotes

oj then lets try this

:thumbsup

UP UP :warning

Banning the bra was a big flop

Sea captains don't like crew cuts

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour

almost 1k left...we are getting closer...

Without geometry, life is pointless.

:banana

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red (Duh!)

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

cool offer imo.

:1orglaugh

Never attribute to malice anything that can be adequately explained by stupidity