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Old 12-26-2004, 04:56 PM   #41151
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Stewie Griffin: Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:56 PM   #41152
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Lois Griffin: Meg, can you change Stewie?
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:56 PM   #41153
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Meg Griffin: Fine, but this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:56 PM   #41154
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Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:57 PM   #41155
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Announcer: [For Homicide: Life on Sesame Street] This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:57 PM   #41156
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Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:57 PM   #41157
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[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:58 PM   #41158
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Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:58 PM   #41159
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Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:59 PM   #41160
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Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:59 PM   #41161
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[the Jetsons parody]
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Old 12-26-2004, 04:59 PM   #41162
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Jane: Oh my God. George.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:00 PM   #41163
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George: [after being on the dog walker] Did you not hear me out there?
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:00 PM   #41164
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Elroy: Yeah, you...
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:00 PM   #41165
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George: Go to your room, Elroy.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:00 PM   #41166
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Elroy: But...
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:01 PM   #41167
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George: GO TO YOUR ROOM. For 45 minutes I was out there screaming. I know that because my damn watch is broken.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:01 PM   #41168
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Jane: I'm sorry.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:01 PM   #41169
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George: Oh 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jane is sorry', I could've been killed.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:02 PM   #41170
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[Brian has just peed on a Supermarket floor]
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:02 PM   #41171
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Peter Griffin: Jeez Brian, where do you think you are, Payless?
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:02 PM   #41172
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Peter Griffin: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:03 PM   #41173
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Bob Ross: All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there i will come to your house and I will cut you.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:03 PM   #41174
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Stewie Griffin: Do these huggies make my ass look big?
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:04 PM   #41175
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[trying to get a Scout Merit Badge]
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:04 PM   #41176
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Chris Griffin: Uh, Dad, maybe we should just give up. I mean, we've tried everything
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:04 PM   #41177
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Peter Griffin: Well, we almost got that one for insect study.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:04 PM   #41178
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[cut to Peter & Chris watching a rich family eat]
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:05 PM   #41179
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Peter Griffin: Look Chris, it's a whole family of wasps.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:05 PM   #41180
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Rich Father: My Margaret, what a sub-par ham.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:05 PM   #41181
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Rich Mother: Perhaps I can't bake a ham, but what I can cook up is a little grace and civility at the table.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:06 PM   #41182
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Rich Father: [to daughter] Patty, did you know your mother is a whore?
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:06 PM   #41183
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[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:07 PM   #41184
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German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:07 PM   #41185
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Brian Griffin: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:07 PM   #41186
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Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:08 PM   #41187
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Brian Griffin: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:08 PM   #41188
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Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:08 PM   #41189
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Brian Griffin: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:08 PM   #41190
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Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:09 PM   #41191
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Brian Griffin: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:09 PM   #41192
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Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.)
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:09 PM   #41193
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[throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:10 PM   #41194
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Brian Griffin: ...uh, is that a beer hall?
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:10 PM   #41195
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Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:10 PM   #41196
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Peter Griffin: Yeah, I'm looking for some toilet training books.
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:11 PM   #41197
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Salesman: Oh, yes, we can help you there. "Everyone poops" is still the standard, of course. We've also got less popular "Nobody Poops But You".
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:11 PM   #41198
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Peter Griffin: Huh... well... you see... we're Catholic so... uh...
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:11 PM   #41199
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Salesman: Oh, well then you want "You're a Naughty Child and that's Concentrated Evil Coming Out of the Back of You".
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Old 12-26-2004, 05:12 PM   #41200
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Guy on Street #2: It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie?
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