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Old 12-26-2004, 06:45 PM   #41501
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Clerk: I'm sorry, Timmy. You need 15 tickets to live.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:45 PM   #41502
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Dad: Greg, I'm afraid you've earned four hours in the snake pit as punishment. And Jan, for tattling on your brother, you've earned a day in the chamber of fire.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:46 PM   #41503
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[Stewie is about to be given an injection against his will, so he grabs something from the equipment trolley and threatens the nurse]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:46 PM   #41504
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Stewie Griffin: Come any closer and I'll cut her!
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:46 PM   #41505
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[realizes he's holding a tongue depresser]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:47 PM   #41506
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Stewie Griffin: I'll give her a series of splinters... that could become infected.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:47 PM   #41507
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[during a fishing trip]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:47 PM   #41508
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Peter Griffin: Man, some trip this turned out to be. All we caught is a tire, a boot, a tin can and this book of clichés.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:47 PM   #41509
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Kevin: Dad, the fish got away.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:48 PM   #41510
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Joe Swanson: The hell it did. You get in there and you kick that fish's ass.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:48 PM   #41511
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Lois Griffin: I'm sorry that Stewie ruined your books. Here, I brought you some of Peter's.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:48 PM   #41512
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Brian Griffin: 'Mr. T' by Mr. T. 'T and Me' by George Peppard. 'For The Last Time, I'm Not Mr. T' by Ving Rhames.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:49 PM   #41513
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[shudders]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:49 PM   #41514
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Stewie Griffin: [hitting on some co-eds] I must say, the most recent campus sporting event was quite spectacular.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:49 PM   #41515
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Co-ed: Aw. Are you in a fraternity, little boy?
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:50 PM   #41516
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Stewie Griffin: Not yet, but I'm thinking of joining I Felta Thigh.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:50 PM   #41517
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[Meg is trying to get the boy next door to notice her]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:50 PM   #41518
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Lois Griffin: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:51 PM   #41519
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Meg Griffin: That's such a mom answer.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:51 PM   #41520
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Lois Griffin: Well, have to tried showing off the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:51 PM   #41521
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Meg Griffin: Creepy.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:52 PM   #41522
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Peter Griffin: People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:52 PM   #41523
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Brian Griffin: Yeah, but don't mention it around the Veteran's Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:52 PM   #41524
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[Peter has bought an sexy version of a relationship tape]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:52 PM   #41525
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Lois Griffin: $49.95? Are you sure we can afford this?
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:53 PM   #41526
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Peter Griffin: Lois, our relationship can not be measured in nipples and dimes... nickels and boobs... money.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:53 PM   #41527
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[runs off]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:53 PM   #41528
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Lois Griffin: Peter, I care as much about the size of your penis as you care about the size of my breasts.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:54 PM   #41529
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Peter Griffin: OH MY GOD.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:54 PM   #41530
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[runs off crying]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:54 PM   #41531
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[a fat Stewie is sitting on the porch]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:55 PM   #41532
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Stewie Griffin: Damn you, ice cream, come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:55 PM   #41533
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[to passersby]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:55 PM   #41534
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Stewie Griffin: What are you looking at, you infantile stupid? That's right, damn you and such.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:55 PM   #41535
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Brian Griffin: Look at you. You spent all that time making Chris jealous and now you have an eating disorder.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:56 PM   #41536
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Brian Griffin: I would but my doctor advised me against heavy lifting.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:56 PM   #41537
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Waitress: Here you go, fella. From Flappy himself.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:57 PM   #41538
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Stewie Griffin: I don't care if they...
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:57 PM   #41539
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[Stewie is force-fed a bite of pancakes]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:57 PM   #41540
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Stewie Griffin: Oh... oh these are delectable. Hey, Flappy. Good news. I've decided not to kill you.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:58 PM   #41541
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Peter Griffin: I only drank so that the Statue Of Liberty would take her clothes off.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:58 PM   #41542
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[Peter and Brian are touring the Pawtucket Brewery]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:58 PM   #41543
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Peter Griffin: Wow, it's like I died and went to heaven, then God realized it wasn't my time yet, so He sent me back to a brewery.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:59 PM   #41544
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[Peter tries to get a gay photo of Luke Perry]
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:59 PM   #41545
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Peter Griffin: Oh, jeez, I spilled wine all over your shirt. You know what's good for getting stains out? Sex with another man.
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Old 12-26-2004, 06:59 PM   #41546
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Chris Griffin: Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
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Old 12-26-2004, 07:00 PM   #41547
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Peter Griffin: Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.
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Old 12-26-2004, 07:00 PM   #41548
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Glen Quagmire: Baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together.
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Old 12-26-2004, 07:00 PM   #41549
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Stewie Griffin: Jeffrey. Take the 4.20 from Hounslow out of your mouth.
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Old 12-26-2004, 07:00 PM   #41550
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Peter Griffin: Yes, we all enjoy the Bible in this house!
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