The Last Person to ever post is this Thread wins $250 (paypal) - Page 127 - GoFuckYourself.com

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:53 PM

Why did the punk cross the road?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 10:53 PM

What's a man's idea of housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:53 PM

Because he was stapled to the chickens back.

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:54 PM

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 10:54 PM

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home!

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:55 PM

Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 10:55 PM

What did God say after he created man?
I can do better than this!

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:56 PM

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think 'Why did they believe me?'

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:56 PM

Six stages of married life:1: Tri-weekly2: Try weekly3: Try weakly4. Try oysters5: Try anything6: Try to remember

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 10:57 PM

What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer!

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:57 PM

A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'. To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!'

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 10:57 PM

How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:58 PM

The graduate with an engenieering degree asks 'How does it do that?'

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 10:58 PM

What's the best way to force a man to do situps?
Put the remote between his toes.

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:59 PM

The graduate with an accounting degree asks 'How much does it cost?'

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 10:59 PM

How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle!

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 10:59 PM

The graduate with the Arts degree asks 'Do you want fries with that?'

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:00 PM

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:00 PM

'Was your wife a virgin when you married?'

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:01 PM

'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.'

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:01 PM

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:02 PM

It's ass.

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:02 PM

A face can say many things. Especially the mouth part.

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:03 PM

What's brown and sticky?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:03 PM

Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:04 PM

Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:04 PM

What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:05 PM

If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:05 PM

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:06 PM

I'd cross the hottest desert

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:07 PM

It was so cold

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:07 PM

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven!

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:07 PM

the town flasher ran up and described himself.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:08 PM

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:08 PM

A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:09 PM

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:09 PM

Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!'

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:10 PM

What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?

1) No mind.
2) No business.

Approved Cash · 05-21-2004, 11:10 PM

"If you are going through hell, keep going."

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:10 PM

one hardly used.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:10 PM

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"

David Barnes · 05-21-2004, 11:11 PM

breakin 2, electric boogaloo

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:11 PM

Translations for men
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...

"IT'S A GUY THING"

Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car

I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."

Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."

Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:11 PM

How do you tell an old man?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:12 PM

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:12 PM

An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:13 PM

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 11:13 PM

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Smokey The ßear · 05-21-2004, 11:13 PM

'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.'

David Barnes · 05-21-2004, 11:13 PM

dave matthews

05-21-2004, 10:53 PM	#6302
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What's a man's idea of housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 10:54 PM	#6305
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 10:55 PM	#6307
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What did God say after he created man? I can do better than this! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 10:57 PM	#6310
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 10:57 PM	#6312
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 10:53 PM	#6301
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	Why did the punk cross the road?

05-21-2004, 10:53 PM	#6303
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	Because he was stapled to the chickens back.

05-21-2004, 10:54 PM	#6304
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?

05-21-2004, 10:55 PM	#6306
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

05-21-2004, 10:56 PM	#6308
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	Broken promises don't upset me. I just think 'Why did they believe me?'

05-21-2004, 10:56 PM	#6309
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	Six stages of married life:1: Tri-weekly2: Try weekly3: Try weakly4. Try oysters5: Try anything6: Try to remember

05-21-2004, 10:57 PM	#6311
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'. To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!'

05-21-2004, 10:58 PM	#6313
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	The graduate with an engenieering degree asks 'How does it do that?'

05-21-2004, 10:58 PM	#6314
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What's the best way to force a man to do situps? Put the remote between his toes. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 10:59 PM	#6315
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	The graduate with an accounting degree asks 'How much does it cost?'

05-21-2004, 10:59 PM	#6316
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	How do men define a 50/50 relationship? We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 10:59 PM	#6317
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	The graduate with the Arts degree asks 'Do you want fries with that?'

05-21-2004, 11:00 PM	#6318
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 11:00 PM	#6319
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	'Was your wife a virgin when you married?'

05-21-2004, 11:01 PM	#6320
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.'

05-21-2004, 11:01 PM	#6321
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 11:02 PM	#6322
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	It's ass.

05-21-2004, 11:02 PM	#6323
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	A face can say many things. Especially the mouth part.

05-21-2004, 11:03 PM	#6324
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	What's brown and sticky?

05-21-2004, 11:03 PM	#6325
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 11:04 PM	#6326
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 11:04 PM	#6327
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?

05-21-2004, 11:05 PM	#6328
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

05-21-2004, 11:05 PM	#6329
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...." __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 11:06 PM	#6330
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	I'd cross the hottest desert

05-21-2004, 11:07 PM	#6331
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	It was so cold

05-21-2004, 11:07 PM	#6332
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 11:07 PM	#6333
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	the town flasher ran up and described himself.

05-21-2004, 11:08 PM	#6334
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..." __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 11:08 PM	#6335
Smokey The ßear So Fucking Banned Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,144	A man who's too drunk to follow orders.