"What I have in my heart, I'll take to my grave"

:tongue: Because they deserve them. :Graucho

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night

:Hollering Why did the punk cross the road? :zzwhip

no real reason to bump.... so bump.

Did i win?

:warning How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? :mad:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

:Note Only one. To slam the car boot shut. :arcadefre

:waaaaahh There were four 80 year old men playing golf. One complained the hills were to high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said 'Shut up! At least we're still on the right side of the grass!' :repuke

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

:ticking Broken promises don't upset me. I just think 'Why did they believe me?' :thumbsup

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage & after.

:helpme A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'. To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!' :uhoh

Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice

:321GFY The graduate with a science degree asks 'Why does it work?' :Buck:

This thread is gay.

Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.

:feels-hot The graduate with an accounting degree asks 'How much does it cost?' :Hollering

:1orglaugh The graduate with the Arts degree asks 'Do you want fries with that?' :ak47:

Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.

:Note 'Was your wife a virgin when you married?' :repuke

:waaaaahh 'I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.' :fart

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him.

:eatmouse It's ass. :Kissmy

Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers

:eyecrazy A face can say many things. Especially the mouth part. :Kissmy

:NopeNope What's brown and sticky? :fart

:karaoke A stick. :sleep

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

:Note What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle? :angel

A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

:stoned If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish. :thefinger

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."

:disgust You must have come from the shallow end of the gene pool. :2 cents:

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did

:rasta the town flasher ran up and described himself. :Graucho

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women!

:stoned A man who's too drunk to follow orders. :pimp

:eek7 Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!' :disgust