:Hollering Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? :stop

:GFYBand A man who's too drunk to follow orders. :NopeNope

Are you both bots??? :Graucho

:eatmouse Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!' :Buck:

:angel A. More leg-room! :stop

:drinkup For sale : Twin beds :fart

Are you both bots???

:1orglaugh

:glugglug How do you tell an old man? :D

:angel It isn't hard. :cool-as-a

:smokin Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators? :disgust

:uhoh An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died :arcadefre

:GFYBand so she took them to the taxodermist :ugone2far

:disgust A. They chip their teeth. :rasta

:disgust 'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.' :eek7

:xomunch Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? :zzwhip

:warning Why does an elephant have four feet? :zzwhip

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

:1orglaugh :Graucho

:moon Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering? :winkwink:

:karaoke Because it would look silly with six inches. :drinkup

:boid A. More headroom :NopeNope

:rasta Anatomy is something everybody's got :ticking

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass." :evil-laug :tongue:

:spawn Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob? :eatmouse

:waaaaahh but sure looks better on a woman. :stop

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!" :warning :Graucho

:spawn What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose? :sadcrying

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."

The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.

He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."

:thumbsup :1orglaugh :warning

:1orglaugh A. Because everyone gets a turn. :repuke

:Kissmy Darling. :NopeNope

There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."

:Graucho :warning

:tongue: Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? :mad:

:sleep Why do women get periods? :NopeNope

:warning

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

:warning

:Graucho

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

:Graucho

:ugone2far A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball. :tongue:

:NopeNope Why did the punk cross the road? :Hollering

:warning :warning

There's this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbor."

:warning :warning

:Graucho hehehe :glugglug

:spawn Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? :glugglug

mods sleeping for a full day on this? lol