The Last Person to ever post is this Thread wins $250 (paypal) - Page 95 - GoFuckYourself.com

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:03 PM

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:03 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:03 PM

Q: Why did it take so long for Lorena Bobbitt to throw the dick out of the window?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:03 PM

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"
His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."

Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."

The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"

He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!"

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:03 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:04 PM

A: She didn't have the balls.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:04 PM

What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue?
Well hung.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:04 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:04 PM

Q: What's a 79 ?

DR_PHIL · 05-21-2004, 02:04 PM

lol still going

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:04 PM

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he stepped outside, SPLAT!!! A big piece of bird shit fell on him. He asked the first person he saw where he could wash it off.
''No! No!,'' they said. ''You cannot wash it off! That is good luck! The ancient foo bird has chosen you! You must never wash it off!''

''Hey, I can live with good luck!'' he thought.

But after a while, it started to stink. Every time that he was about to wash it off, someone appeared and said '' No! You cannot wash it off.'' So he left it on. After a week, people on the street started avoiding him. No one would give him the time of day anymore. So as soon as he got back to the hotel, he washed it off. At dinner time, he got dressed and left the hotel. At the first intersection he came to, he got hit and killed by a Mack truck. All because he washed off the bird shit.

The moral of this story is, ''If the foo shits, wear it!''

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:05 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:05 PM

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:05 PM

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:06 PM

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:06 PM

A: 45 lbs.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:06 PM

What''s black, white, red all over, and doesn''t fit through revolving doors?
A nun with a spear through her head.

mrgica · 05-21-2004, 02:06 PM

fucking morons

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:06 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:07 PM

Do you know why blind people don't skydive?
It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye-dogs

amaze · 05-21-2004, 02:07 PM

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:07 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:07 PM

What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

mrgica · 05-21-2004, 02:07 PM

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:08 PM

What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:08 PM

A: 45 minutes.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:08 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!"

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:08 PM

On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is changing upstairs. The boyfriend is waiting in the living room with the girlfriend's granpa and her dog Rover.
As the girlfriend is getting ready the boyfriend says to himself, ''Man I really gotta fart, I think I will let a little out.'' So he does and the granpa yells ''ROVER!''

The boy thinks to himself, ''All right, now he thinks it's the dog. I think I will let a little more out.'' So he does and the granpa yells again, ''ROVER!''

The boyfriend says to himself, ''All right, now he really thinks it's the dog. I think I will let the rest out.''

So he lets it rip and the granpa yells, ''Rover, get over here before that guy poops on you!''

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:09 PM

What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:09 PM

A: Sexual harassment.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:09 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you actually enjoyed seeing the Princess Naboo get kicked off her throne and let a man rule the world

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:09 PM

Why don't witches wear undies?
To get better grip on their brooms.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:10 PM

What's brown and in the military?
Gomer's pile!

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:10 PM

A: $3.99 a minute.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:10 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you put your lightsaber down your pants and brag about your big dick.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:10 PM

What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?

It's ass.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:11 PM

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:11 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever taken a telephone pole down to test a lightsaber.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:11 PM

How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:11 PM

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:12 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever used a lightsaber to save yourself from a hellashus impact.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:12 PM

What is another name for a masturbating bull?
Beef Strokinoff.

amaze · 05-21-2004, 02:12 PM

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:12 PM

A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:13 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your priest carries a lightsaber in his boot for emergencies.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:13 PM

Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? A Marriage

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:13 PM

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever tested your lightsaber on your little brother "tell me if this hurts"

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:14 PM

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants."

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:14 PM

what have you done wrong?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:14 PM

Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder!

05-21-2004, 02:03 PM	#4701
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:03 PM	#4704
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?" He simply replied, "Just playing bed football." Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7." The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?" He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!" __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:04 PM	#4707
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? Well hung. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:04 PM	#4711
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he stepped outside, SPLAT!!! A big piece of bird shit fell on him. He asked the first person he saw where he could wash it off. ''No! No!,'' they said. ''You cannot wash it off! That is good luck! The ancient foo bird has chosen you! You must never wash it off!'' ''Hey, I can live with good luck!'' he thought. But after a while, it started to stink. Every time that he was about to wash it off, someone appeared and said '' No! You cannot wash it off.'' So he left it on. After a week, people on the street started avoiding him. No one would give him the time of day anymore. So as soon as he got back to the hotel, he washed it off. At dinner time, he got dressed and left the hotel. At the first intersection he came to, he got hit and killed by a Mack truck. All because he washed off the bird shit. The moral of this story is, ''If the foo shits, wear it!'' __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:05 PM	#4713
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:03 PM	#4702
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

05-21-2004, 02:03 PM	#4703
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q: Why did it take so long for Lorena Bobbitt to throw the dick out of the window?

05-21-2004, 02:03 PM	#4705
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

05-21-2004, 02:04 PM	#4706
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A: She didn't have the balls.

05-21-2004, 02:04 PM	#4708
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

05-21-2004, 02:04 PM	#4709
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q: What's a 79 ?

05-21-2004, 02:04 PM	#4710
DR_PHIL Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Never visits the same thread twice Posts: 4,099	lol still going

05-21-2004, 02:05 PM	#4712
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

05-21-2004, 02:05 PM	#4714
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

05-21-2004, 02:06 PM	#4715
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him. "Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers." "Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!" "Sir, please get off the mop bucket." __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:06 PM	#4716
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A: 45 lbs.

05-21-2004, 02:06 PM	#4717
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What''s black, white, red all over, and doesn''t fit through revolving doors? A nun with a spear through her head. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:06 PM	#4718
mrgica Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 2,169	fucking morons __________________ Fuck it dude, lets go bowling

05-21-2004, 02:06 PM	#4719
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.

05-21-2004, 02:07 PM	#4720
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Do you know why blind people don't skydive? It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye-dogs __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:07 PM	#4721
amaze Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: next to you Posts: 816	Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo. The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

05-21-2004, 02:07 PM	#4722
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

05-21-2004, 02:07 PM	#4723
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What do blondes and cow patties have in common? The older they get the easier they are to pick up. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:07 PM	#4724
mrgica Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 2,169	__________________ Fuck it dude, lets go bowling

05-21-2004, 02:08 PM	#4725
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What's grosser than gross? A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:08 PM	#4726
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A: 45 minutes.

05-21-2004, 02:08 PM	#4727
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!"

05-21-2004, 02:08 PM	#4728
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is changing upstairs. The boyfriend is waiting in the living room with the girlfriend's granpa and her dog Rover. As the girlfriend is getting ready the boyfriend says to himself, ''Man I really gotta fart, I think I will let a little out.'' So he does and the granpa yells ''ROVER!'' The boy thinks to himself, ''All right, now he thinks it's the dog. I think I will let a little more out.'' So he does and the granpa yells again, ''ROVER!'' The boyfriend says to himself, ''All right, now he really thinks it's the dog. I think I will let the rest out.'' So he lets it rip and the granpa yells, ''Rover, get over here before that guy poops on you!'' __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:09 PM	#4729
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:09 PM	#4730
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A: Sexual harassment.

05-21-2004, 02:09 PM	#4731
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you actually enjoyed seeing the Princess Naboo get kicked off her throne and let a man rule the world

05-21-2004, 02:09 PM	#4732
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Why don't witches wear undies? To get better grip on their brooms. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:10 PM	#4733
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	What's brown and in the military? Gomer's pile! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:10 PM	#4734
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A: $3.99 a minute.

05-21-2004, 02:10 PM	#4735
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . . . . . you put your lightsaber down your pants and brag about your big dick.