The Last Person to ever post is this Thread wins $250 (paypal) - Page 98 - GoFuckYourself.com

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:39 PM

Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush.
''What the hell is this?'' he asks the pastor.

''Why, it's a toilet brush.''

''Ooh, I see,'' says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working.

''Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper.''

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:40 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:40 PM

How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count?
Eminem has to chew before swallowing

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:40 PM

A. More headroom

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:40 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:41 PM

A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:41 PM

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.

So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:41 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:41 PM

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:42 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:42 PM

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."

"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."

"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:42 PM

A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:42 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you've ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:42 PM

Why are men like laxatives?
Because they irritate the crap out of you!

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:43 PM

Once there was a man named BB. He had a very fat wife and for his 40th b-day she went and got a B tattooed on each butt cheek. She went home and showed BB and she asked who BoB was!

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:43 PM

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:43 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:44 PM

A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quicky rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him, ?Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do'.?
?But I don't have the fingers!?

?What! You don't have the fingers!?? said the doctor, ?You should have brought them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like microsugery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new.?

?But Doc, I couldn't pick them up.?

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:44 PM

the looser it gets!

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:44 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . your childs first words were, Attention K-Mart shoppers.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:44 PM

Q: Why is a fire truck red?
A: If someone pulled your hose you would turn red too.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:44 PM

Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:44 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:45 PM

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
"How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:45 PM

A. Frosted Flakes

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:45 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:45 PM

There are two flies sitting on a pile of poo. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do ya mind? I'm eating here!"

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:46 PM

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:46 PM

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.
I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:46 PM

A. An airbag.

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:46 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are Gentlemen, start your engines.

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:47 PM

Two flies were flying around a pile of poo and the first fly started sniffing around and said, "Ew, who farted?"

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:47 PM

Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:47 PM

Q. Why was Frosty smiling?
A. He saw the snowblower coming

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:47 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Years Eve party.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:47 PM

A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.

amaze · 05-21-2004, 02:47 PM

can I get to 50

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:48 PM

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes!

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:48 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:48 PM

Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:48 PM

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke.
"I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine.

"I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish."

"Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass.

"Why only one glass?" asked her wife.

"You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:48 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you've ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:49 PM

A. They both swallowed a lot of semen. :D

Nanda · 05-21-2004, 02:49 PM

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!"
Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table.

"There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."

amaze · 05-21-2004, 02:49 PM

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:49 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:49 PM

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:50 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you've ever valet parked a snow plow.

Jolly Rancher · 05-21-2004, 02:50 PM

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?

SlickRick · 05-21-2004, 02:50 PM

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you've ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.

05-21-2004, 02:39 PM	#4851
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. ''What the hell is this?'' he asks the pastor. ''Why, it's a toilet brush.'' ''Ooh, I see,'' says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working. ''Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper.'' __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:40 PM	#4853
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count? Eminem has to chew before swallowing __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:41 PM	#4857
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple. So she shot herself in the left kneecap. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:42 PM	#4861
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite." __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:42 PM	#4864
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Why are men like laxatives? Because they irritate the crap out of you! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:40 PM	#4852
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.

05-21-2004, 02:40 PM	#4854
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A. More headroom

05-21-2004, 02:40 PM	#4855
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

05-21-2004, 02:41 PM	#4856
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A. Because everyone gets a turn.

05-21-2004, 02:41 PM	#4858
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.

05-21-2004, 02:41 PM	#4859
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

05-21-2004, 02:42 PM	#4860
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

05-21-2004, 02:42 PM	#4862
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

05-21-2004, 02:42 PM	#4863
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . you've ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.

05-21-2004, 02:43 PM	#4865
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Once there was a man named BB. He had a very fat wife and for his 40th b-day she went and got a B tattooed on each butt cheek. She went home and showed BB and she asked who BoB was! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:43 PM	#4866
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

05-21-2004, 02:43 PM	#4867
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.

05-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#4868
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quicky rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him, ?Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do'.? ?But I don't have the fingers!? ?What! You don't have the fingers!?? said the doctor, ?You should have brought them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like microsugery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new.? ?But Doc, I couldn't pick them up.? __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#4869
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	the looser it gets!

05-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#4870
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . your childs first words were, Attention K-Mart shoppers.

05-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#4871
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Q: Why is a fire truck red? A: If someone pulled your hose you would turn red too. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#4872
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

05-21-2004, 02:44 PM	#4873
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

05-21-2004, 02:45 PM	#4874
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!" __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:45 PM	#4875
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A. Frosted Flakes

05-21-2004, 02:45 PM	#4876
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin.

05-21-2004, 02:45 PM	#4877
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	There are two flies sitting on a pile of poo. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do ya mind? I'm eating here!" __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:46 PM	#4878
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

05-21-2004, 02:46 PM	#4879
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it." __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:46 PM	#4880
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	A. An airbag.

05-21-2004, 02:46 PM	#4881
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are Gentlemen, start your engines.

05-21-2004, 02:47 PM	#4882
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Two flies were flying around a pile of poo and the first fly started sniffing around and said, "Ew, who farted?" __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:47 PM	#4883
Jolly Rancher So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,996	Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?

05-21-2004, 02:47 PM	#4884
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Q. Why was Frosty smiling? A. He saw the snowblower coming __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

05-21-2004, 02:47 PM	#4885
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	You Might Be A Redneck If . . . . . . you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Years Eve party.