Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!'':321GFY

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.:glugglug

What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

:ak47:

What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!

:smokin A: 45 minutes. :disgust

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!" :Graucho

On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is changing upstairs. The boyfriend is waiting in the living room with the girlfriend's granpa and her dog Rover.
As the girlfriend is getting ready the boyfriend says to himself, ''Man I really gotta fart, I think I will let a little out.'' So he does and the granpa yells ''ROVER!''

The boy thinks to himself, ''All right, now he thinks it's the dog. I think I will let a little more out.'' So he does and the granpa yells again, ''ROVER!''

The boyfriend says to himself, ''All right, now he really thinks it's the dog. I think I will let the rest out.''

So he lets it rip and the granpa yells, ''Rover, get over here before that guy poops on you!''

What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart

:waaaaahh A: Sexual harassment. :sleep

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you actually enjoyed seeing the Princess Naboo get kicked off her throne and let a man rule the world:helpme

Why don't witches wear undies?
To get better grip on their brooms.

What's brown and in the military?
Gomer's pile!

:Oh crap A: $3.99 a minute. :glugglug

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you put your lightsaber down your pants and brag about your big dick.

What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?

It's ass.

:spawn Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? :zzwhip

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever taken a telephone pole down to test a lightsaber.:1orglaugh

How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!

:glugglug A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. :Buck:

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever used a lightsaber to save yourself from a hellashus impact.

What is another name for a masturbating bull?
Beef Strokinoff.

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!'':321GFY :helpme

:karaoke A: The sex is the same but you get the remote. :cool-as-a

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your priest carries a lightsaber in his boot for emergencies.:)

:Graucho Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? A Marriage :evil-laug

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you've ever tested your lightsaber on your little brother "tell me if this hurts":helpme

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants."

:eyecrazy what have you done wrong? :pimp

Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you were buried with your lightsabor.

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest when they see a man who had recently passed away.
One cannibal says, "Look at this! You start at the feet and I'll start at the head and we'll meet in the middle."

So the two cannibals start eating.

After a half an hour one stops eating, looks up, and says, "I don't know about you, but this is great! How are you doing?"

The other cannibal answers, "This is great! I'm havin' a ball!"

The other cannibal says, "Hey, no fair! You're eating too fast!"

:girl A: Made her chain too long. :winkwink:

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have ever gone deer huntin' with a lightsaber.

How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks 'If I drive 100 mph, will you take off your clothes?' and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flips over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend's clothes. All that is free of the car is the man's girlfriend and one of his shoes. The man yells, 'You have to go get help. Go to that gas station over there.' His girlfriend says, 'Are you kidding me? I'm naked.' 'Well,' replies the man 'Take my shoe over there, cover up yourself, and go get help.' So the woman covers herself with the shoe and goes to the gas station. She says to an attendant 'You have to help me. My boyfriend's trapped' 'I'm sorry ma'am' the attendant replies, 'he's too far in.'

:D A. Through his chest with a sharp knife. :sadcrying

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . when storm kills power yer lightsaber illuminates your house until you gouge Bubba's eye out.:glugglug

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet, and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.
When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.

''Aaron, The carpet lookes wonderful!'' she exclaimed. ''Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, and by the way, have you seen my gerbil?''