Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common? :mad: :ak47: *-

Yo mama's so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show.

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, ''Greenside up.'' The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, ''I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.'' The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ''Greenside up!'' The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, ''I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.'' The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, ''Greenside up.'' The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, ''Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?'' The contractor replies, ''You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street.''

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she didn't get a birth certificate, she got blue prints.

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''

the easier they are to pick up. :mad: :ak47: *-

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
''Easy,'' she replied. ''He only has one eye.''

The chief was stunned. ''He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!'' He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

''He only has one ear,'' was her answer.

''What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!'' He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, ''How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.''

After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, ''He's wearing contact lenses.''

This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, ''How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!''

''Well,'' she said, ''he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?''

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

A. She opens the car door. :eek7 :evil-laug *-

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless.
''Where have you been?'' asked the man.

''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!''

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Yo mama's so fat, when she was walking in her jeans I swear I smelled something burning

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

Q: How do you make a cat drink? :eek7 :evil-laug *-

What is a blonde's mating call?
''NEXT!''
:1orglaugh

Q: Why do Jewish people have such big nose's? :mad: :ak47: *-

A: Because air is free! :BangBang: :feels-hot *-

How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear.

Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno's backwards? :eek7 :evil-laug *-

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

A: They like to see the part where the hooker gives the money back! :BangBang: :feels-hot *-

If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

A: An eternity. :BangBang: :feels-hot *-

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a purple sweater people call her "Barney."

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? :eek7 :evil-laug *-

A: Give her a package of M&M's and tell her to put them inalphabetical order. :eek7 :evil-laug *-

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool-Aid Man."

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think its the school bus.

A: They think their picture is being taken. :thumbsup :winkwink: *-

Q: Why did the blonde return her new scarf? :BangBang: :feels-hot *-

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her "Taxi!"

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Q: Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? :eek7 :evil-laug *-

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show.

A: She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind. :eek7 :evil-laug *-

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon.