:stop A. Between the two of us :boid

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Jewish men have the biggest diameter penises. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" "Tonto Greenburg, nice to meet you."

:eek2 we can make a lot of money. :NopeNope

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

:pimp Q. How does a blonde part their hair? :waaaaahh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

:Note A. By doing the splits. :D

damn you 2 are good :321GFY

:moon Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? :xomunch

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps."One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

Men are like fine wine, Women are like fine wine

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

:cool-as-a they haven't met! :glugglug

Two tall trees are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them.

One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

One of the tall trees says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

:thefinger Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? :sleep

So there's this blonde out for a walk; she comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river, then down, then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

:thumbsup A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables. :helpme

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

"Perfect" her husband said.

"I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository -- it's up to you!"

:evil-laug Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme? :stop

A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband says, "Oh my God! No shit? What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?

The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter, just get the fuck out!

:Graucho A. Humpme Dumpme :stop

Am I the last post????

:Kissmy Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? :moon

no

:1orglaugh

A bereaved woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

"No," she insists. "It must be a blue suit." She then gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director, "That is absolutely perfect! I love it! How much did it cost?"

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So, I switched the heads."

when is the last post, this can go on forever.

:ugone2far A. More leg-room! :tongue:

An man who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course,"slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight And folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, Your wife fell out of your car?"

Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

:smokin Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators? :xomunch

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.

He gulps it down, and asks the bartender, "How much do I owe you?".

The bartender answers, "For you, no charge"!

why

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My beautiful wife is unfaithful to me. Every Friday night, she goes to Larry's Bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's Bar?"

:sleep Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? :pimp

:BangBang: A. Fertilized :smokin

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to Human Resources.

Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

How does she like her eggs??

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

:arcadefre Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering? :moon

Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?"
"No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."