What did the apple say to the worm?
You're boring me.

:Note Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? :question

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.:smokin

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.

"Holy cow! What's that smell?"

"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"

"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."

:thefinger Q: How much hair is in a girl's lap? :Oh crap

How do you make a baby drink?
Stick it in the blender.

:Kissmy A: A box full. :D

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, 'Did you hear that Fluffy died?' The guy stammers and says, 'Um...no...um...what happened?'. The neighbor replies, 'We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!'

:1orglaugh Q: Why were shopping carts invented? :rasta

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
So he could run his fingers through his hair!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. :thumbsup

:Kissmy Q: What do you call a 300 pound Italian girl? :sleep

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
Tear gas!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." :glugglug

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. :Graucho

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh!

:girl A: Underweight. :2 cents:

:thefinger Q: What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota? :waaaaahh

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder. :Graucho

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts. :girl

:question Q: Why did it take so long for Lorena Bobbitt to throw the dick out of the window? :Hollering

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"
His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."

Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."

The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"

He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!"

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window. :)

:GFYBand A: She didn't have the balls. :sadcrying

What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue?
Well hung.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women. :thumbsup

:Graucho Q: What's a 79 ? :rainfro

lol still going

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he stepped outside, SPLAT!!! A big piece of bird shit fell on him. He asked the first person he saw where he could wash it off.
''No! No!,'' they said. ''You cannot wash it off! That is good luck! The ancient foo bird has chosen you! You must never wash it off!''

''Hey, I can live with good luck!'' he thought.

But after a while, it started to stink. Every time that he was about to wash it off, someone appeared and said '' No! You cannot wash it off.'' So he left it on. After a week, people on the street started avoiding him. No one would give him the time of day anymore. So as soon as he got back to the hotel, he washed it off. At dinner time, he got dressed and left the hotel. At the first intersection he came to, he got hit and killed by a Mack truck. All because he washed off the bird shit.

The moral of this story is, ''If the foo shits, wear it!''

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.:glugglug

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

:hi Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? :fart

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

:NopeNope A: 45 lbs. :evil-laug

What''s black, white, red all over, and doesn''t fit through revolving doors?
A nun with a spear through her head.

fucking morons

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck. :Graucho

Do you know why blind people don't skydive?
It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye-dogs