"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."

:thefinger the town flasher ran up and described himself. :sleep

:1orglaugh

running on empty

:ugone2far A man who's too drunk to follow orders. :smokin

I will win

"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."

:winkwink:

:winkwink: Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!' :drinkup

future primitive

:D For sale : Twin beds :rasta

:glugglug

"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."

:hi one hardly used. :drinkup

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want

:mad: How do you tell an old man? :fart

jungle fever

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

"We have art to save ourselves from the truth."

:rainfro An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died :arcadefre

down periscope

:arcadefre so she took them to the taxodermist :rainfro

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

:uhoh 'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.' :question

drop the hammer

"I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it."

:waaaaahh Because it would look silly with six inches. :xomunch

taking it to the limit

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

:drinkup Anatomy is something everybody's got :NopeNope

boyz in da hood

:winkwink: but sure looks better on a woman. :stoned

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must."

:ak47: Darling. :evil-laug

:moon Why do women get periods? :eek2

Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

stella aint got no groove

"What I have in my heart, I'll take to my grave"

:tongue: Because they deserve them. :Graucho

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night

:Hollering Why did the punk cross the road? :zzwhip

no real reason to bump.... so bump.

Did i win?

:warning How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? :mad:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

:Note Only one. To slam the car boot shut. :arcadefre

:waaaaahh There were four 80 year old men playing golf. One complained the hills were to high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said 'Shut up! At least we're still on the right side of the grass!' :repuke