You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you were buried with your lightsabor.

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest when they see a man who had recently passed away.
One cannibal says, "Look at this! You start at the feet and I'll start at the head and we'll meet in the middle."

So the two cannibals start eating.

After a half an hour one stops eating, looks up, and says, "I don't know about you, but this is great! How are you doing?"

The other cannibal answers, "This is great! I'm havin' a ball!"

The other cannibal says, "Hey, no fair! You're eating too fast!"

:girl A: Made her chain too long. :winkwink:

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have ever gone deer huntin' with a lightsaber.

How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks 'If I drive 100 mph, will you take off your clothes?' and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flips over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend's clothes. All that is free of the car is the man's girlfriend and one of his shoes. The man yells, 'You have to go get help. Go to that gas station over there.' His girlfriend says, 'Are you kidding me? I'm naked.' 'Well,' replies the man 'Take my shoe over there, cover up yourself, and go get help.' So the woman covers herself with the shoe and goes to the gas station. She says to an attendant 'You have to help me. My boyfriend's trapped' 'I'm sorry ma'am' the attendant replies, 'he's too far in.'

:D A. Through his chest with a sharp knife. :sadcrying

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . when storm kills power yer lightsaber illuminates your house until you gouge Bubba's eye out.:glugglug

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet, and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.
When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.

''Aaron, The carpet lookes wonderful!'' she exclaimed. ''Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, and by the way, have you seen my gerbil?''

:fart Q. Why are men like public toilets? :1orglaugh

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!'':helpme

Why'd the condom cross the road?
He got pissed off

:helpme A. Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap :mad:

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you brand cattle with a lightsaber.:Graucho

One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your lightsaber came with a "money back guarantee":321GFY

What do eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?
Polaroids!

:BangBang:

:1orglaugh

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your lightsaber is equiped with a "kick start".
lol

:Hollering A. If you lay them properly the first time :stoned

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"

"Yes he does," answered the salesman. "If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"

"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.

"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife. The man smiled and said, "Watch this."

Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'

"That's incredible! Does he do anything else?" the wife asked.

"I don't know, lets see," replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the bird's legs.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."

:1orglaugh

:eyecrazy you can walk all over them for life :moon

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he hands you a lightsaber and says, "May the force be with you."

blah

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up.
''Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way 'round the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'''

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

do i win yet?

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you use your lightsabor as a flare and you hear Ma say from the back porch, "Billy Bob, you get your ass in here rite now you're gunna put Bubba's other eye out!".:thumbsup

:rainfro A. They can't stand criticism. :arcadefre

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had:Graucho

:mad: Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive :glugglug

Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?
'Cause they don't give a crap!

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One boy is sitting down, having a bowl of Corn Flakes, the other is frantically looking for an item for show-and-tell.
''I know I put it here somewhere'' he says. He then remembers that he put it in the kitchen for safe keeping the night before. He dashes for the kitchen and stops at his brother, still eating his cereal.

''Hey, you found my scab collection.''

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you use your lightsabor to open the door on your chevy pickup.:glugglug

:cool-as-a A: Because those men already have boyfriends. :1orglaugh

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.''
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.

After hesitating, they all did it.

''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.''

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.:helpme

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs.

A: Ground Beef!

:ugone2far Q. What is a man's view of safe sex? :sleep

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . your plan to destroy the Death Star included two M-80s and a half gallon of granny's moon shine.:Graucho

Q: What do you get when you find a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The hide and seek champion of 1996

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!'':2 cents:

:ticking Q. Do you know why women fake orgasm? :rasta

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If . . .
. . . you use your lightsabor as a bug zapper. :thumbsup :321GFY

Didja hear that diarrhea's hereditary?
Yeah, it runs in the jeans!

:Graucho A. Because men fake foreplay. :angel